Northern Blights, Natural Speculation, (sic) And Tired Of Being A Nobody

Wealthy St. a week ago.

Been a while since I have posted anything on here. To be honest I think I have been too cold and shitty feeling to whine about anything else. Michigan got pelted with snow early this year and we actually had the snowiest November in Grand Rapid's history last set in 1895. So I could quite possibly be dead in the frozen Michigan earth before we see another November that was this encapsulated by the frigid hand of death. People can say what they want about living in the North, but it sure as fuck builds character. I'm sure hellish heat builds some character too but there is something special about that Northern character. It's brooding, barbarous and vicious. Unless you're a yuppie who goes from point A to B without ever having to scrape a windshield or shovel a sidewalk then you are JUST FUCKING DANDY!!!!! You may think that you have escaped the nefarious nature of the world outside your privileged bubble but if you come into contact with me or any of my associates we will make sure to shit all over your day. Fucking yup-trucks. Fuck em' all, fuck their world, fuck everything that they stand for.

Been drinking deep from the

maggot mountain springs again. 

Fern Gully was the most natural
thing I could think of. That pixie was
self actualized as fuck.

On the topic of nature, the other day I had a rather expansive conversation on the subject of human emotion and our place within nature. The subject of what is considered "natural" has always been something I have personally been fascinated with. I dabbled with the naturalist philosophies, specifically that of Alan Watts among others. He believed that human beings were just as much a part of nature as anything else and that we should strive to reconnect with what we have lost from our journey out of the woods. He once said "You and I are all as much continuous with the physical universe as a wave is continuous with the ocean." But as humans we like to think we have achieved some sort of permanence away from the natural order of things. By developing a stronger sense of reason and perhaps some intellectual prowess we have achieved some astounding things. But what we fail to realize is that we have barely made it out of the jungle. And in my opinion, in some ways I think we were never meant to get very far to begin with. I also read about the psychologist Abraham Maslow who developed a hierarchy of needs. He was a theorist who wrote a lot about the motivation of humans and what we all need to take care of in our lives in order to become fully self actualized people. But he believed that human needs went in order of: Physiological Needs, Safety, Intimacy, Esteem and then Self Actualization. I think it is interesting that intimacy is the very first need we strive for after our most basic essentials. The specific subject I was discussing about was the emotional toll that sex can have between people. And while I believe that emotions cannot be disregarded in that situation, it is imperative that we strive to reach a point of maturity where we are able to categorize our experiences whether they are sexual or not. With thousands of years of biological wiring telling us to pursue sexual intimacy it would be naive to believe that were were meant to ignore these manifestations of our essential human needs. I know that this was a bunch of college gibbery joo that no one probably gives a fuck about. But the point I was making is that sex can be a fleeting and vapid endeavor if you approach it with a misaligned perception. But it can also be a fruitful endeavor and an opportunity for personal growth if you seek your full potential. “A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write, if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be, he must be” - Abraham Maslow

Alright enough intellectual fucking bullshit. Let's talk about some more shit that pisses this Conklin boy right the fuck off. As a musician, I pretty much plan 99% of the time to never break even and I will always be a poor fuck-bag who has to eek his way through life forever. Also I have said this a lot but I really don't get pissed if no one buys my bands shit. If I played a fun show and had my catharsis if somebody buys my band's shit it is just vegan gravy. But I get really fucking pissed when I drag my band's shit to a gig and there is a fucking distro there. Now hold on a damn second don't pull out the DIY dagger and gore this maggot. I have a love/hate relationship with distros I should say. In some ways I think it's cool that someone who maybe doesn't play music can still participate in the local scene and I also know that distros will often times carry local/touring DIY bands merch. But let's be realistic, if a distro does buy a DIY band's shit they are most likely a band that at least some people give a shit about. So essentially, if I am in the shitty band that no one cares about (yet?) then a distro is just a gallows where I could have left my mark on a city. No one is going to spend the 7 bucks they have in their pocket to buy my band's tape if the distro has Captain Fuck-Hammer and the Trench Taint's latest 7 inch, "Step-Dad Genocide." Then I say to myself, "Well Zach, you just have to bring the fucking thunder tonight and make those kids NEED to own your shitty tape." So I end up rocking so hard that I puke blood and maybe 3 emo kids think it's okay but unfortunately they already spent their allowance on the debut release from The World Is A Shit Hole And Yet I Can't Find A Good Place To Take A Dump. Alright, I'm done. Stay Gloomy.

True Gloom.

To Defy The Laws Of Tradition, The Public Sucks, Fuck Hope

Me after the show. It was coo.

Another gloomy ass day here in Michigan. I slept 12 hours last night and I believe I am finally caught up on my sleep now. I have been pretty run down the last few days since I went and saw Primus in Detroit on Monday. Needless to say the show was incredible and I can't believe it took me so long to finally see them live. But I didn't get home until about 2 am and I had to be up for work 4 hours later. So I was pretty fucked up the last couple of days but I think I feel better now. I know everyone says this about celebrities or musicians they love but I really think that I would love hanging out with Les Claypool. We seen really like minded in some ways. He is kind of whacky and weird, but he is actually gloomy as fuck. He was explaining that the song "Mrs. Blaileen" was about a kid in his class who killed another kid. I wish he would have talked more I wanted to hear about each song. He did call out this stupid jam-band fuckwad in the front row who was whipping everyone around him with his dreads it was great. On the drive home we talked about scary moments from our childhoods and how we should all start a gun club. Perhaps the two topics were connected in some way I can't recall. But overall it was a great experience and I can't wait until the next time they come to town so I can get in the pit and try to love someone.

Gloom warrior in whacky clothing.

In other news our nation hit the polls on Tuesday. I am not going to go on a political rant here because I believe politics are the vapid manifestations of craven harbingers and heartless manipulators. No my topic today is not about the cogs of democracy or the illusion of power but more so the cohabitation of thoughtful individuals. For the most part, especially when it comes to politics, I have kept a general "To each their own" philosophy. I know that there is little point in arguing with someone about our opposing perspectives on whether or not the president will put tariffs on imported mule piss or whether or not the senate will pass the "Kill All Brown People" bill. At the end of the day, both people are just going to get mad and accomplish jack shit. But as I said for the most part I am quite ambivalent on what people choose to do whether they choose to vote or not vote. After all God hates us all and we're all going to rot one day so why pid a paddum if you don't have to? But every couple of years when the trench coat of political process opens and shows us all it's perverted amalgamated manhood I am left exasperated from my peers. There is something incredibly personal about the act of participating in political agenda isn't there? I can only tell you from personal experience but I promise that I could tell a religious person, "Hey, your God is a farse and you're a fucking idiot." And they would get offended but for the most part would likely disregard what I said and find comfort in knowing I will burn forever and they will not. But dare it be suggested that someone just doesn't give a fuck either way, it is earth shattering. I have lost friendships, had relationships fall apart and even had a dad slap me repeatedly because of my political abstention. I had no issue with their choice to include themselves in something I didn't believe in, but they could not see through to let me follow my own path. And one thing I have learned is the ideologically we would all live in the gray and be open to all other thoughts and opinions and never tip the scale. But realistically that is not the world we live in, and true balance is the polar magnetism of opposition. I could of course go on an even longer rant but in summation, just please leave me the fuck alone about that shit. And yeah, fuck voting. Thanks.

Our album release party.

Otherwise, a small Ruined update before I go find some food. We finished a new song last night and overall I am really excited about it. It's really different for us in some ways. It's kind of disgustingly heavy and at the same time progressive in parts. I am excited to play it live on day and it will hopefully make people's bowels release at every gig. We'll go on the "Shit Kicker Tour" and become legends across the globe overnight. With that song in the bag though we plan on writing one more song that is in the vein of a solid "typical" Ruined song which will pretty much wrap up our full length material. I have a couple of other tracks to solidify and we will be working over the next couple months to hammer out all the material we have but we hope to hit the studio early next year. I cannot wait to get this record done and buy a van and hit the road fucking hard. I want to try and go to the west coast and back next spring and maybe do a tour of the south also. These of course are all pipe dreams right now but I feel like I just need to push through this winter and maybe the things I have been striving for will finally come to fruition. Look at me, getting all hopeful and shit. That's fucky man. Stay Gloomy.