|Me at work.|
|Necro-Baby and I at the gig.|
In brighter news Ruined played with Jucifer last Monday and it went really fucking well. Sky and I were both a little nervous about playing at a new venue that is meant for "big boy" bands. We also weren't sure how well received we would be since it was going to be mostly a bar crowd. I have never liked playing bar shows and up to this point every bar show I had ever played went really shitty. But for those of you not familiar with the venue here in Grand Rapids called The Pyramid Scheme it is actually a cool joint. The biggest upside for me was that the venue is separate from the main bar area and you have to pay to get into the venue. The only reason this is cool is that it increases the likelihood that only people interested in music will be allowed in. So it keeps a lot of the shitasses who just want to sit and try and get laid our of the mix. There is still a small bar within the venue but for the most part anyone in the room is there to actually WATCH the bands play. As always though as soon as I grabbed my bass and got my game face on it all felt really natural and we sounded good and the set went really smooth. We ended the set with a cover of "Too Many Puppies" by Primus that I am pretty sure took everyone by surprise. Needless to say too Jucifer's set was fucking mind blowing. By that point I was getting extremely tired though since I am normally in bed by 9 o'clock cause I am a fucking loser. But I look forward to hopefully playing there again in the future.
"Too many puppies are taught to heel."
|Me everyday during |
my early 20's.
In gloomy ass news I made the mistake of reflecting upon old memories and past miseries. Though my station in life is rooted in a more stable sense of emotional permanence, I can't help but have a sense of longing for mistakes I may have made or at least for never seeking resolution with certain people who perhaps held an important role in my past. I talk about this a lot; how some people are just shit-turds who will never change or listen to reason. And though we may seek sanctuary from having to face these people ever again, the fact remains that their impact still haunts us to this very day. We all have varying degrees that we almost seem to seek out discontentment and even are drawn to people who make us regret every interaction with them. Some people are completely fine with avoiding people who they know in their hearts and minds as being completely unstable and not worth interacting with. But for me, I still bubble beneath the surface now and then with the curiosity of wondering where people are and even wish I had handled things differently so we could at least be on speaking terms. But alas I know that most likely this will all fade into vapor and I will return to my daily thoughts of hatred and insecurity with the world around me. I only mention this as to give strength to others and to receive it back in kindness when facing my own personal demons. I don't have any wise words for those of you dealing with a similar internal struggle, all I can say is that my mind has a firm and rational hold on my current life. I have a clear vision of how I need to live my life and to whom I need to steer from to stay bound to tepid existence. But my soul's desires will always be enigmatic at best. A turbid maelstrom of faith and doubt. I must spend out my days seeking balance within the dichotomy of my spiritual wisdom. I know that this whole thing was vague, confusing and overall a waste of you time. But I just needed to express myself and I enjoy ranting from time to time. Anyways, forever and always. Stay Gloomy.