Sunday, January 27, 2013

THAT'S MY PURSE!!!, I Was A Young Boy That Had Big Plans, Good Goulash

I have been cutting my own hair for over a year now. But yesterday I tried to do it really fast and ended up doing a super shitty job. Took a chunk out behind my ears. I looked like a meth head. So out of frustration I just buzzed off all of my hair to an even length. I have not done that since I was 12 years old and I got my first bass and loved wearing dragon T-Shirts. So basically I look like BOBBY HILL right now which is pretty sweet. I also have a giant ass mole on top of my head. It's pretty liberating just knowing that you look like a moron. Once the worry is gone you can just kind of steam ahead. One less thing.

Otherwise, I am pretty much too tired to do anything anymore. Even typing this shit makes me want to take a nap. I don't practice any instruments nearly as often as I would like to. I miss being youthful and full of hopes and dreams. Now I pretty much just shit my pants and drool a lot. Few things stir my sense of passion anymore. Tristram has been writing a lot of new stuff which has been cool. And I do leave for Boston in 3 days for recording the splits that Procession is doing. I am hoping that I feel rejuvenated after that trip. 2 out of my 5 day "vacation" will be spent on a bus so that kind of sucks. But at least I'll be doing something.

I am really fucking tired, I was going to type more but I am losing consciousness. Life is only pain. The only reason I live is to make life harder for all the conformists. I love Tenacious D.

Saturday, January 19, 2013

Bait And Switch, American Sigh, Gopher Turd

I just got home from work. WHAT A DAMN DAY. Things were going smooth then this fucker comes at me with some sass. Check this shit out. This shit-squeeze orders a "cafĂ© au lait" which is hot milk and coffee. Not soy milk, not almond milk, Kerry King damn normal ass shithead blood diamond milk. Mine as well have camel tears and piranha piss in it. What a fucker. Anywho, he says our coffee mugs are too small so I suggest putting it in a to-go cup because it's easily 4 oz. bigger than the mugs. He says fine and shitbags his merry way to his table. Minutes later, I bring him his shit, and he has this look of "what the fuck" painted on his skull and I ask "is something wrong sir?" And he replies, "I thought it was going to be bigger than that." I offered to make him a larger one and he said in a shit-herder tone "I don't want to wait any longer." What a fuck-churner. People are fucking dumb. Especially privileged pogo-shitters who have never had to serve anyone in their whole life. I will obey.

On that topic, what is with all of these white people running around in East Grand Rapids? For those of my readers who are unfamiliar with Gun Rule, East Grand Rapids is actually one of the most prominent places in the entire country and East Grand Rapids High School is where the creators of the "American Pie" film series are from. Just to give you a jumping off point for visualizing what that area is like. But I swear that every time I drive through it, white people are just frolicking. Laughing and singing with gumdrop smiles. The rest of the world is burning alive but these people are just free and joyful with piercing white teeth. This is what safety creates. Too much safety is never a good thing. I should say, the illusion of safety is never good. Makes you weak, predictable, jaded and an asshole like the person I described above.

Otherwise, I am hoping to finally get some bass playing done today. I am feeling a nap developing though so I may need to get that out of the way. I really have nothing more to add other than I think Topher Grace is kind of a turd. My gut just tells me he's a turd. I can almost taste turd when I hear his voice. 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Long Live The Spoon, Naked Thrash Attack, This Reminds Me Of That

Sitting naked listening to Andrew W.K. I am pretty sure that I would be dead in the woods somewhere if it weren't for him. I have recently been listening to his record "The Wolf" a lot more. And I know this may be a tall order, but I think I like it better than "I Get Wet." "The Wolf" just makes me cry and feel reborn every time I hear it. Especially in "LONG LIVE THE PARTY", so incredible.

I have found my pride.
Otherwise I have been getting more and more excited about my trip to Boston at the end of the month. If anyone who reads this likes Procession's music, no offense but that stuff is garbage. Well not really, I actually like it a lot and I can't wait to thrash around naked to those songs again. But this new stuff is like Graham saying, "Hey bro, let's stop fuckin' around and really fuck some shit up." And I am like "That sounds coo bro, let's do some shredding. What do you think Mike?" And Mike's like "SHUT YOUR MOUTH WHEN YOU'RE TALKING TO ME!" I am so excited to hear what Britty comes up with too for these new songs. She is one of those people you can say "Hey we took months and months to make some great music, could you write some vocals in like 3 days?" And she just sighs and makes up stuff that is incredible in no time at all and makes us look like damn fools. Really proud of all my mates, I am still always amazed that I am just some turd from Conklin who bumped into the best musicians in Michigan/The World. I guess I should thank Les Claypool for making me just want to play bass and jerk off for 12 years. Good times.

Every time I get excited about Procession I seem to listen to the same bands. At work yesterday I played every band that makes me think of Procession, some of them we sound nothing like but the record will remind me of a time when I was growing with Procession. Number one band is Pains Of Being Pure At Heart. When Procession was just starting out I was seeing a nice little lady from Georgia and she was the first person to show me that band and I was blown away. Other ones are Asobi Seksu, Slowdive, Radio Dept., Ride, Waxahatchee, New Order and this band FIELD MOUSE. Everyone needs to check out that band. I don't know why I am so positive right now I actually had really bad dreams all night and since I have the day off I have no idea what I am going to do with myself. I want some sort of coffee drink though and don't want to go outside. Hmm...

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Crying Is My Only Passion, Ice Shred, Ferp Merp

Maybe I need more hobbies. Or maybe I need to spend more time with the hobbies I do have. I went to work early today and just couldn't fathom why I was even getting up in the morning. Especially at 5 am in the freezing cold and you have to bike to work. The moisture of my breath makes my eyelashes freeze together so I can't blink at intersections or I might not notice the headlights soon enough to save myself from peril. Or is it serenity? At least the friction of the concrete against my face would be warm for a moment. 

In other news, Tristram wrote a new song the other day which was pretty exciting. Codi described it as "prog-skramz" which felt about right. I had been listening to a lot of At The Drive In so I wanted to emulate cool rhythms and stuff. The last riff on the song though makes me feel like I am calling forth the demons of old while standing upon a mountain side and it's snowing acid which is melting everyone's faces off.

Otherwise moments ago I finally bought my bus ticket to go to Boston to record Procession's new split we're doing. It's just going to be two songs but I can tell that we're going to be busting our asses. We only have 3 days to finish all the music. I am tired though, I am going to nap now. Merp.

Thursday, January 10, 2013

Jury Of Your Fears, I'm A Loser, I'm A Loser Who Masturbates To Post Hardcore

Feeling really anxious and shitty right now. I had jury duty this morning which ended up being a lot less stressful then I thought it would be. I was pretty much shitting my pants last night and obsessing over what could happen. My biggest worry was that being honest would make it seem like I was just trying to get out of it so the judge would pull some lever and I would fall into a pit (a bad pit, not the good pits I love) and I would be beaten with pipes and be left for dead. It wasn't quite that bad but I still fucking hated it. I sat in the same courtroom that my roommates and I had to go to when our landlord sued us for being too punk. Good times. SMASH THE STATE AND LEARN TO SKATE!!!

I am just now starting to learn how to use this site. So you'll probably start seeing things get less and less interesting as time goes on as I rely more and more on bullshit that has nothing to do with anything. Otherwise, Sandshrew W.K. has a new song recorded called "FUCK YOU" FRONTED HARDCORE. It's kind of about my frustrations with people trying to put labels on music or bands that are only skin deep. For all future and current songs people should bare in mind that this shit is meant to be over the top and I am the least confrontational person on the planet. I mean, it's called Sandshrew fucking W.K. I just sit in my basement and come up with dumb shit. I will die alone so you don't need to worry about anything. GOD HATES US ALL

Might finish doing vocals for a third song today, we'll see how motivated I am. Might masturbate with my own tears. I hate when I can't cry enough cause then I chaff. I have been listening to At The Drive In a lot the last day or two. That band is pretty coo.

Sunday, January 6, 2013

The Jovial Pontifications of Genitalia, The Great Re-Titling, Other Shit (How Creative...)

         (WARNING! PENIS TALK AHEAD!!!!!!) 

I have been really sick the past few days just like everyone else. Lots of tea induced dreams that really confuse and scare me. But I was in the shower yesterday and I noticed whenever I have a fever and am feeling really sick my penis looks really weird. The phallic part shrinks as far back as it can (which is astounding considering that it can shrink any further than it's usual positioning.) And then the rest of it drops down so far that I feel like I could crush myself with my own knees. I am wondering if I am alone in this or not. It goes from looking like a mastodon the mystic creature of legend. To looking like that guy from Mastodon. ------------->

Otherwise, I have decided that this blog is going to be just my stupid  fucking blog about all my stupid fucking bands and my stupid fucking penis I guess. So now I need to think of a new title for this blog. Captain Fuckturd's Formal Filings of Fastidious Formulations of Phallic Discussion seems like a good one. I'll think of something. With that being said, I am starting another project called Sandshrew W.K.. It is a negative hardcore band inspired by: Andrew W.K., Good Clean Fun, Beyonce, Earth Crisis, Slipknot, Black Flag, Prince, Seven Generations, Champion, and whatever else spills into my cerebellum. What is great about this band is that it is so natural that it's insane. I will think of a good song title or idea and within 2 hours I have a complete song ready to go. I have one song recorded that you can check out HERE. It's a song about a big ass stupid looking coat that my dad gave me that he used to wear in high school. Other songs in the works are "Let's Talk (Then Fuck Off.)" and "Fuck You Fronted Hardcore." If my throat didn't feel like  lava monsters are having sex in it I would probably have at least one of these done today.

And for anyone who doesn't know all the bands I am in aside from SANDSHREW W.K. there is of course SQUALL. I am in a melodic/evil/post rocky/hardcore-ish band called TRISTRAM. And I am in a super awesome dream pop shoegaze band called PROCESSION. Which that band is recording a new split at the end of this month that I am really excited about. Also we were recently in Maximum Rock And Roll with an interview we did a while back. It was pretty awesome to be reminded about how cool everyone in that band is. Graham and Britty were totally themselves in that article with no shits given. Totally awesome.

Wednesday, January 2, 2013

Click Click Boom!, All Seeds Are Tainted, Master Shredders

I just walked home from a show. It was a very short distance but I didn't notice until I was halfway that I had left my earplugs in and both my hands were burdened. But it actually became very surreal. All I could hear was my own breathing and I could see my exhales. And I started to think that this is how it is portrayed in movies from the prospective of a victim of a gunshot. I thought about the ending scene in Leon the Professional. Here's a clip if you haven't seen it = SPOILER!!! Sad ass shit.  I didn't have fear in my heart though, I felt a great peace wash over me.

Otherwise I took in as much socializing as I could bare and then left. I got to stand between two of my favorite people though. We talked about moshing and old times. Really the only two things I ever want to talk about aside from gloom. I try to get along with most people but those two guys always fill me with what some might say resembles joy and genuine appreciation for them being exactly who they are. It was nice to be reminded that though most men are pieces of shit there are a few decent souls out there. That being said we should all be killed still. We've done enough. Kill God and all of his sons. Only mildly related, but my life-mate Richard showed me this picture earlier and it was probably the funniest fucking thing I have seen in a really long time. This is what the internet should be used for.

I also always remember that I will always be a bassist. Bass is so much more fun to play then guitar. I enjoy playing guitar but there is just something special about bass. I have been playing bass since I was 12 so I think it is just a part of me now. Feels totally natural in my hands. My dad and I watched Prince play guitar once and my dad said, "It's like socially acceptable masturbation." That is kind of how I feel about playing bass. Especially if Monte is there to puke acid blood. I have no right playing guitar with that dude in existence. I thank the chasm of the universe every day that our paths aligned. As well as so many great musicians I have had the privilege to play with over the years. Like this dude in the clip below. What a fucking beautiful specimen. I just think about my heroes and cry that they are my friends. I am being way too thankful in this post. Darkness will consume as all. Happiness dies. You get it. 

Tuesday, January 1, 2013

Acid Breeds Reflection, Zombie Wood-Chipper Paradise, B As In Boys Are Better Bloodied

Remember in Fight Club where Edward Norton and Brad Pitt are on the subway and they have a conversation about how self-improvement is masturbation and self-destruction is...oh wait here's the clip.

I agree and disagree with this. For the most part I was probably the long haired dude who bumped between them, but I would also take a moment and squeeze a pecs or two on my way through. I only thought about this because I am trying to convince myself to work out right now. I have been trying to take care of myself at least physically. Then I could worry about taking care of myself emotional at my own pace. But it is interesting to think about. Why do we make strides to keep in shape aside from just life expectancy? I think in a lot of cases self-destructive behavior can be cathartic. I know I grow more after I have really fucked myself over. So why do I continue with the repetition of physical activeness? To be more attractive? I have found nothing more masochistic then the afflictive motivation of sex. History has already paved the road for me to be ashamed of being a man for the rest of my days, but to be an aberration of appetite is something I have to keep in check for the sake of all others who have the chance/luck/capabilities of finding a sustainable happiness. I don't really know if that exists but a lot of people seem to believe that it is out there somewhere. I also don't really know what my point is, I rant more than I work out. I guess I just envy people who can be around people without any hesitations or hidden sorrows. 

Well I guess I should probably do some push-ups so that my emaciated corpse can look lean and toned when the zombie apocalypse happens, then I will be surrounded by people who really want to get to know me. So much so that they want to eat my face. I really want to tour. I swear I am far more chipper on the road. 

P.S. Beyonce is amazing.