Piss Mist, Silence Teaches Us To Sing, Future Follies

No fun not ever.

Fuck it has been a long time once again. I remember once saying I was going to try and do this every other week but maybe once a month is more realistic. No one reads this garbage anyways so I am really just talking to myself. On the subject of garbage I am in the middle of trying to move out of my current domicile and I am basically waste deep in refuse everyday now. I am currently avoiding my room since I bleached down my bed which has now reacted with the ammonia in the numerous cat piss areas (and one late night accident from yours truly) and my eyes and throat were burning. So now I am in my living room listening to the rain and silence of an empty home waiting for the bleach to dry.

My post-tour stasis.

In the time since my last post, Ruined went on a 5 day tour through The Rust Belt with Planning for Burial. We had a lot of fun for the most part barring a couple of shows that were essentially empty rooms that we were filling with our gloom. Every show with Planning for Burial was great though and I hope to do it again someday. I feel as though only now are we beginning to get the slightest bit of momentum and yet I feel impeded in some ways. Whenever I get home from a tour it is always bitter sweet. I would say 80% bitter to 20% sweet. I basically wallow behind a feigning veil of normalcy until I am beaten back into my routines. Most people try and talk me out of making more tour plans and the it is good to have those voices of reason to keep me on track. But at the same time there is a million reasons not to do something and the greatest events of my life only happened because I essentially ignored the advice of most everyone around me. If I had my druthers, I would tour for at least two weeks every two months and that is only because of how broke I am. I know it's not for everyone but to me that is the spice of life, the thing that gives all the shit in my life meaning and makes it worthwhile. So essentially what I am getting at is that I want to keep a level head and be smart about my decisions, but basically I am going to tell everyone to fuck off who tries to talk me out of doing something with my music. I wouldn't want to be an asshole to people who obviously are being considerate of my well being but I am no longer going to drag my feet about these kinds of things. Ruined has an actual decently recorded release and I want to push it and get it out there the best I can. It's no longer just me jerking off stale-fish in my room putting out demos and shying away from promoting anything. I want to get in the pit and try to gloom someone.

I made this documentary. Audio is kind of shitty but whatever.

God Hates Us All.

D.I.Y. or Die.

On that subject if anyone is interested in purchasing our latest tape, "Hunter's Premonition," you can order it through Glowing Window Recordings HERE. It comes with a digital download code and as of right now is the best way to acquire the music. As far as future plans Ruined is playing our first show in Kalamazoo on June 18th which will be our last show until August as Sky will be in Europe for July. I may be doing some weird solo set in late July but I'm not sure yet. I am currently booking another short 3 day tour in August which hopefully will be in Milwaukee, WI - Minneapolis, MO - and Chicago, IL. I have a solid lead for Minneapolis and a decent one for Chicago but if anyone could offer help for any of these shows please contact me at ruinedbandmi@gmail.com. Stay Gloomy.

Get Ready To Die, May Kerry King Strike You Dead, Beating A Dead Jockey

Me with the ghostly apparition of
Andrew W.K. in the background.

So it has been a ding dangle long time since I last posted on here. In the past I have mentioned that usually when I don't post anything it's most likely because nothing is happening and these blogs would be about as interested as a wet carrot. But surprisingly I have not been posting because a lot has been happening. So much so that I find myself less and less confined to the darkness of my bedroom aside from sleep and the occasional cat snuggle. I also acquired a newer generation Ipod so I am finally plugged into, (if only credulously,) to the social and information world that all of you have been a part of for the last decade or so. I spend most days in my living room now still hanging out with cats, reading and watching Iron Chef America round the clock. Anything with Alton Brown is gold for me. I love his misanthropic charm, though I am sure he would hate me I respect that. Seems like a nice guy. Another nice guy is Andrew W.K. who I got to see last week at the same venue we played last night. It was honestly one of the best shows I have ever seen and that man's smile is infectious. Even a shitass like your's truly could not get the grin off his face.

Me at every show I attend.

As for the show we played last night it was a tale for the ages! First of all, I am feeling sick as shit right now. I initially thought it might be allergies since the foliage is just beginning to bloom here in Michigan but upon further review I realized it was acute viral rhinopharyngitis or the common cold but a real bugger of a bobby if I do declare. Nasty as a dingo up a didgeridoo if I may knife-y spoon-y that proclamation. I don't know what just happened but anyways yeah I have a cold. So I wasn't sure how last night was going to go. All in all I think we played well and I didn't sing as horribly as I thought I would. But the bands we played with were unusual to say the least. The headlining band were peregrine but in an awesome way. I started fading fast by the time they started their set but I was genuinely interested in what they were doing. Not the particular brand of crumpet I would buy for my tea party but all in all a good band. Their tour comrades were another story all together. It's a story that defy's many laws of physics and indeed science as we once knew it. You see our story begins at a radio metal tour back in 2003. While playing the coliseums of America's rock aristocracy the aforementioned group was struck by tragedy. A freak ice storm struck the stage during their OVER AN HOUR long set and the entire band was frozen into a single block of solid ice. They fell into obscurity and they were brought to an underground research facility for study while their compatriots: Breaking Benjamin, Papa Roach, Godsmack and Avenged Sevenfold carried the flag into battle for their fallen brothers. Now fast forward to present day and the technological advances we have made in the last decade have given great strides towards cryogenic research and development. Unfortunately the scientists given control over the fate of this musical group were too busy asking if they could bring them back from their icy tombs, they never stopped to ask if they should. As soon as they were awoken and had shed the amniotic sacs used during the unfreezing process they fled the facility confused and bewildered by their new environment. With only their soul patch goatees, pre-teen lyric sheets and reptilian brains they were drawn to the flashing lights and bar rat pheromones of the underground venues of America. I would imagine it is a medical marvel that these boys could go through such an arduous journey and still have the stamina to play for OVER AN HOUR OF MEDICORE SHITTY RIFFS AND THEOLOGICALLY BEREFT SATANIC BABBLE!!!!!! FUCK I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!!!! ANIMAL LIBERATION, HUMAN ANNIHILATION!!!!! KILL 'EM ALL LET KERRY KING SORT 'EM OUT!!!! FUCK!!!!! Alright I'm done sorry about that. Sometimes that black bile creeps up and I retch it upon all you fine people.

I am Jane all the way.

Now to wrap up the Ruined rant, we have lots of things cooking right now. Remember all that stuff I mentioned about splits and shit in the past? Yeah that's all in the garbage now. We decided to take everything that we recorded recently and put it out on tape as a single release. We are seeing it as our first official EP as a two piece and I am probably going to take down all the music I have written thus far and probably pick out a few gems and re-record them for future releases. I really only have two songs in my sights from those good ole days and the rest will just fall into the abyss. Otherwise you can look forward to that tape being released soon and we should have them available by our tour in May with Planning for Burial. For the full tour list and updated info check out the Facebook event HERE. Otherwise follow us now on Instagram @ruinedband or click HERE. I seem to find myself on there more often than other social networking sites nowadays but I have also made my Tumblr our band site now so if that tickles your turnip more click HERE. Anyways, fuck yeah shit and stuff. Stay Gloomy. 

Epoch Fail, Gloom Abroad, Pit Boss

Me the last 4 months.

It's getting warmer here in Michigan. Last week we had weather that was in the mid 60's which is practically unheard of for this time of year. And as is the case with all transitional seasons you start to get a sense of one chapter closing and the advent of another. As for the chapter that is closing, for the most part my chapter was plebeian at best. An interminable way point that I would have preferred to eschew than experience first hand. But here I am at the withering moments of winter and I have little to reflect upon. It was a shitty, arduous winter and I am glad that change is on the horizon. Not that I think that other people are out doing all kinds of wonderful things during the cold seasons. I don't see many snow orgies on my commute home. I don't often see flyers for workshops entitled, "Icicle Incantations: Sparking Sexual Interplay With Frosty Phallus's" when I am window shopping. But I wish I was in a position to travel more to warmer climates in the the winter months and cooler climates in the summer months. If I could go on 2 month tours during both those seasons I would always go to places people least expect. Winter's here? Let's tour the Amazon basin. Summer's coming? Let's tour only Eskimo villages. Perhaps one day Kerry King willing.

Don't let my usual whining set you astray though. For the most part, I am in relatively high spirits lately. Ruined is in the studio recording and we are going on tour with Planning for Burial in May which is fucking incredible. How a fuckhead like me gets to be on the same bill with one of the best musicians/people out there for three nights in a row is beyond me. Also I recently have found renewed fealty to my peers here in Grand Rapids as well. I don't know if I will ever be a social Czar here but I am glad people are willing to pull through for me even though I am a penurious and accursed shitbag. I feel it's worth mentioning though that when I am on tour I am far more amicable and even conciliatory to everyone around me. I genuinely enjoy the company of humanity overall when I am on the road. And the main explanation for that being that I pretty much hate not being on tour and every moment spent static takes an egregious toll on my self-worth. So basically I am in a better mood when I am on the road and I don't hate people in such a piercing or relentless way. Also I am less likely to deal with yuppies and normo's every fucking day when I am playing punk basements and hipster havens. Then again I hate punks and hipsters too...and I am usually really tired after I play a set so I get grumpy...yeah you know what forget all that I am just a fuckshitter. I am just the way Kerry King made me.

Legitimate Gloom.

Forever

With that tour on the horizon it gives me something to look forward to which is really all life is. Or at least living within Western culture; a whole bunch of bullshit and the occasional reprieve only to be cast back down into the depths of despair. But knowing that the tour is coming up in a couple of months I have begun trying to eat better and exercise. I have to really kick it up a notch because not only do I have to build my stamina for our set every night, but I also have to keep the pit open during the entirety of Planning for Burial's set. It's going to be tough to keep a bunch of gloom fucks and sad saps moving in the pit. They will be emotionally subverted and therefore physically devitalized. It'll be my job to maintain what I like to call "Pit Velocity." I will encourage others to crawl onto me and stab me with ceremonial daggers and we will all cry and puke blood until there is no more sanguine fluid to spill. It will be glorious. I should probably start training, stay gloomy.   

Slow March To Burial, Musicianship: Grievance In Motion, Stone Cold Update

Cyclops = March

It's March again. I decided a long time ago that March is my least favorite month of the year. I usually consider myself to be a fall/winter kind of guy more than a spring/summer. Any season that causes more sorrow than hope is alright by me. But for those of you who don't live in Michigan or the great white North our winters tend to push far into our other seasons. So I start to get burnt out with all the frigid wind and window scraping around this time. March is just a shitty ass month where it is close enough to spring to make you look forward but far enough away that it just pisses you the fuck off. The first day of spring is in March but that means dick up here. The closest I have ever come to being in a car accident was when I was 17 and I spun out during a sleet storm and it was the middle of April. Pretty much the only good March I have ever had was when I was in Europe. Three years ago today I was in Madrid, Spain having the time of my life. I should really start writing in my journal again so I can document all the stuff I don't do these days.

Their dates make more sense. Day/Month/Year.

Fuck this is depressing me to watch.

I need to go back.

It isn't all bad news though. I do have a few things on the horizon to look forward to. One thing in particular has me pretty jazzed but I am waiting until all our ducks are in a row before I announce it. I have this habitual nature about me that I get too far ahead of myself. But I also feel that most people don't get ahead of themselves at all. And they don't take any risks or ever run head first into the mist. I was having a talk the other day about being a musician and what that entails. The unfortunate imbalance that happens usually is that your bank account will always be plundered by passion. Most people can't imagine being broke as fuck and simultaneously be planning a road trip at the same time. I would say unequivocally that the average "musician" is not cut out for it and they are too terrified of not playing things safe. But really is that the way you would want it? Would you want to only play shows within a 50 mile radius of where you live and have the record executive happen to show up and sign you on the spot? Where's the fucking fun in that? We all see it happen, where people get handed all the right trappings for doing the wrong deeds. I don't even think they realize what a simple journey they had to go on to obtain their fame. I have said it a million times on here before but I believe that life is about having a wealth of experiences and not fiscal worth. I would rather spend 5 years playing only sewage treatment plant basements and have all the shit filled memories than miss out on them. My main point I was getting at is all to often I believe people try to cripple passionate people for whatever their reasons. Usually they just don't understand the concept of being broke all the time. They need that security and that financial barrier in order to sleep at night. Meanwhile 30 years from now they'll look back and wonder what the fuck they did with their lives while I'll hopefully be on my 37th world shit depository tour "Open Up The Shit Pit Tour 2045." As a musician I rely heavily on the favors of others (booking shows, letting us sleep on their floor, feeding us etc.) And I have come to realize I need to reach out more to people to show my gratitude for these favors. But all in all if you know someone who is passionate about something I implore you to show them support the best you can and think twice before you try and make them feel bad about themselves. If their ambivalence to fiscal responsibilities annoys you so much just remember that they probably sleep on concrete floors and eat lint regularly. It's punishment enough.  

Get this pumped.

Onto the insipid Ruined update you all look forward to. It does feel good to have actual things to talk about now. I feel like this will be a good year for Ruined. I haven't even done an update since we hit the studio I realize. Overall the studio experience was great. We recorded at Amber Lit Audio here in Grand Rapids and it is a really great place to record. It is right on the Grand River next to a train bridge. You can almost smell the rotting crust kid flesh it's that close. We tracked everything live aside from the vocals and I was mystified by the sounds we captured with both the bass and the drums. All the recordings we have had so far was just me alone in my room dicking around with a hand recorder. My bass was muddy and it took a lot of work to make it sound even that shitty. But now before we did any mixing it already had that ethereal effervescence while still maintaining the seismic bellow of my live sound. We got together two days ago and did a quick mix of one of the songs we recorded "Some Years Don't Matter." To the 7 fans we have you will recognize 2 out of the 4 songs we recorded and I hope you'll enjoy the deja vu. But otherwise we should be receiving our first mixes within the week and then I can begin the ritual of listening to them over and over again for several hours everyday. I will keep you all abreast of our progress as it happens. Until then, Stay Gloomy.  

About Nothing, Elemental Absurdity, Is Everybody In?

Working for the weekend.

Been a couple of weeks since I have written on here. I may start making this more of a bi-weekly thing instead of weekly. I have so little going on that sometimes I feel like I am clawing at whiny self indulgent straws every week. Also one of my New Years resolutions was to complain less and I think every other week would be a more reasonable amount of complaining. And absolutely nothing interesting ever happens in my life so it makes it difficult to expound upon cipher. I often times work all day and then come home and read about all the cool things that other people are doing. This year has got to be my year to get shit done. I think I was premature when I thought last year was the year. But I think that now the stars are aligning and I just might be able to pull something off for myself. Or maybe I will just sit around Michigan forever until the end of time. Could go either way.

This will help explain the next bit.

That's an ethos I can get behind.

I am just sick of being tired all the time. I just drink coffee, listen to Nirvana, (happy belated birthday Kurt,) and read about famous demons. Well I don't know if they are famous; can something spurious ever truly be famous? Then again Batman is fabricated and he is pretty famous. I know I lament religion a lot but I want it to be known that I piss on everything. I don't just shit on angels and apostles, I also scorn demons and acolytes. Though I will be honest I do think demons are cooler I think it's all laughable. As Slayer says, "I hate everyone equally, I don't need no segregation, no separation just me and my world of enemies." I like that, it's simple and direct. I got on this thought because the other day we listened to some 2000's era alternative rock bands and the song "Voodoo" by Godsmack came on. I'll admit at the time, it was probably the 5th bassline I ever learned. But I remember kids at my school saying, "You know the singer of Godsmack? Well he's into Wicca and in that music video that's his coven performing a ceremony!" And they were real creeped out about it. And at the time I was a total nu metal fiend (still am) and not wanting to feel left out I played along. But even then in the back of my mind I was thinking, "Wicca huh...that sounds fucking dumb." I had an ex who hated Christians at least half as much as I do but eventually they revealed that they too believed in many pagan theologies including Wicca. I give pagans a little bit more slack since they were here first but eventually you would think that reason would prevail. It doesn't take much investigating to realize that all of this was shit that someone made up a long time ago for whatever the reason, most likely to fuck someone over. And the only reason people accept these answers is because the unknown is terrifying to them. Personally, I just don't lose sleep over not knowing the next step. I don't emit fleeting piety like a religious leech, but at the same time I am not naive to the point that I think I have everything figured out and my body will just rot in the ground and that's it. We will never understand the "beyond" and I have accepted it. And no amount of holy water, séance's or tree orgies are going to make a difference. All we need to know is that God Hates Us All and Kerry King has a plan for us.

Blow it out your ass you pagan fuck. 

I played with a band called Bone Dance once.
They had never heard of Cubone.
Fuck that.

In other news, I will do another Ruined update because I actually have some fresh news on that front. We just got done practicing a few minutes ago and everything is sounding nice and tight for the studio on Tuesday. Thought we are only recording 3 songs and two of them are old songs I still feel like this is finally going to be our first foot in the door of being broke ass musicians. But maybe we'll be broke ass musicians who people maybe give a shit about. Kerry King I hope so. I will say I don't give a shit about most people but I do tip my metaphorical hat to people who support music in whatever way they do. I don't do it nearly enough and I know I am a shitass for it. But anyways, I also got my taxes done so I should be on track for getting a van pretty soon. Once I get one I plan to start booking a tour sometime in May or June. Probably won't be very long unfortunately but I do plan on doing some long ass shit later this year. Otherwise I hope to play a lot more locally and around the midwest when we can. Maybe bop on up to Canada if we can. Keep an eye out for stupid videos we are going to make in the studio. You know the ones I'm talking about, "Yeah I am playing through an XJ-9 Wave Humper with a Jaguar Sex-Tar. Hold on I gotta take a shit dude hit record!" Until then, Stay Gloomy. 

Liquid Proof, Metaphysical Masquerade, A Gillian Reasons

Take it easy.

I took a 2 hour nap yesterday and then slept for almost 11 hours last night. I don't know if I am getting sick or just needed to catch up on sleep but I am feeling weird today. I am drinking Colombian coffee which I have decided is the shittiest region for coffee. I know that the region that coffee is grown has a big impact on the flavor of coffee but Colombian coffee is consistently shitty tasting to me regardless of the brand or expense. I don't know what it is, I am just a Guatemalan kind of sailor I guess. I wouldn't kick a Costa Rican out of bed neither. But I gave Colombian another shot and it let me down once again. Consider this is my proclamation of acrimony, I'm done with you Colombian coffee. Let's divide our BEANIE BABY COLLECTION and be done with it. I will keep Princess Diana Bear and all my other babies and you get fuck all. 

This really happened.
I know my collection is still
my retirement plan.

What a wonderful world.

I have been playing RPG's again lately. It was good to take a break and play other things like "Sim City" and "Sims 4" but I am back where I truly belong in the realm of spells and gear. I have talked about this before but let me take you into the thoughts I have when I am at work trying to combat the dilapidation of my mind. Let's say hypothetically when you die there is an afterlife, though any sort of conscious life after death is ludicrous but let's make believe and enter the world of fantasy. Take a page out of the Christian dogma and play pretend. What would you do with eternity? Or let me switch things up to be more realistic, you get to design your own Matrix! WOAH!!! That is way more pragmatic and I think we can all wrap our heads around that. So fuck the afterlife you are programming your own Matrix. What would your world be like? Mine would be something like this; it would be a breeding between the realm of old spells and incantations like Diablo, Elder Scrolls, and Lord of the Rings mixed with more modern universes like Final Fantasy, X-Men and Pokemon. Essentially I would like to spend my days in the Matrix slaying demons, mastering spells, wielding a gun-blade and catching Pokemon. I'd like to live in a medieval city that somehow also has high speed internet/indoor plumbing/central air and heat and yet somehow has only recently discovered gunpowder and dragons are a real nuisance. Of course the 4 or 5 people that I like in real life would be welcome in my new Matrix and we can slay together until our biological tethers give out and our life-force evaporates leaving our emaciated corpses for Dozer to clean up. Before that though we'd track down that Cypher dude in his own Matrix and fuck him up real good. Fuck that guy.

Everyday.

Yes, yes a thousand times yes.

In a lot of ways I have been absorbing the 90's once again like many people. I have been watching Friends, X-Files and 90's romantic comedies a lot recently. I know a lot of people look back at the good ole days and bask in the warm glow of everything that once was. And I wonder if in 20 years if people will be really into what's happening nowadays. It seems extremely unlikely to me because it's my belief that any identity or sense of character we once had fell alongside those towers in 2001. The 2000's were nothing, a decade of vapid scared people developing vacant and chagrin films, art and music. And now we are halfway through this decade and nothing seems much different. I know that like any rapid change a cultural revolution could always be waiting around the corner. I am not holding my breath though and for now I am comforted by looking back at what people before my own generation were able to create in a fluid and magnanimous environment like the 90's. Until then I suppose I am just going to shit all over everything and wait in the shadows. Yeah that sounds about right. Stay Gloomy.

Demon Finale, Reaching Around, Déjà Vu And Fuck You Too

If only...

As often times happen, I don't really have a direction with this again today. I am hungry, out of coffee and my desk is brimming with shit. I am also feeling kind of anxious and overwhelmed. There is so much that I WANT to do and only so much that I CAN do. I suppose that is a pretty typical situation people find themselves in but it honks big time. All week I toil and strive in anticipation of having a day off and when I finally do I spend it whining on here and watching Netflix. The first season of Diablo 3 ends in a few days to so I need to level cap my Demonhunter on there if I want the exclusive trans-mogs. Shit, I guess I actually have a lot to get done today so I should probably make this quick.

This just felt right. 

Recently I have had a small internal conflict. I have been feeling a pull to become more involved in my local music scene. Because realistically, I am pretty much one of those people who complains about how shitty things are and then does absolutely Jack-shit about it. That being said, it is difficult to promote change within a scene when: A. You do not posses any resources within that scene to "demand" change, (vis-à-vis you do not own a tangible space where events could take place or have the social currency to draw in favors from your community; meaning you're not "cool" enough to be paid attention to.) B. You have very little interest in the interests of others that conflict or pale in your opinion to your own agenda. Speaking for myself, I am a misanthrope plain and simple. I just flat out do not put importance on what most people are passionate about. There are exceptions of course. For example: Music. I think music is great and I know a lot of other people feel the same way in my general vicinity. That being said, music is very cultural. Even within the small scene we have in Grand Rapids, it is pretty much like anywhere else. It's fragmented and essentially if you're not doing the "thing" that everyone is digging at the time then your shit out of luck and jolly well fucked. None of what I am saying is news to anyone, most people would either agree or at least relate to what I'm saying in this community and abroad. But let's go back 4 years. When I first moved into the city limits of Grand Rapids and started going to shows a lot more often there was a great sense of comradery. I could go over to the house show of punks, art kids, stoners, metalheads, or twinkly emo's and felt no borders. People moved, venues closed and shit got fucky. It happens. But having experienced it once in my life I have no doubt that music can be fun again in this city. I don't have the answers on how to attain this, and I have a feeling the people calling the shots right now are just as full of shit as any other person on the planet. So for myself this is a difficult path to take. I feel that it is only fair to contribute to a scene that has/(hopefully will) support my own music and endeavors. But I also feel that myself and other loser fuckheads who happen to live here will be ignored. Realistically not everyone is going to get what they want and in fact it will be far from what a good chunk of people will want. The fleeting and negligible topics will most likely take precedence and the rest will go down the shitter. But that doesn't mean people shouldn't at least try to change things even if it is futile. All I can say is God Hates Us All and we should shoot from the belt with that in mind. That made no sense. Fuck it, do it live.

"Got no good plans but a good idea, 

Let's put this town in my rearview mirror. 

Yeah, I got enemies, (fuck em') but they don't know. 

They won't get no glory on that side of the hole."

A feeling I know all too well.

On this same subject, I have to vent about something. For the purpose of anonymity I am going to be mildly vague so I apologize if the following seems confusing. But I have always done my best not to be someone who just shits all over everything out of anger and I want to be reasonable. This is something that has bothered me for a long time, but moments ago another example of it just came to light. I would like to preface this by saying that I know that everything creative has already been done and no idea is ever truly original anymore. I don't consider myself to be a creator of great thoughts but perhaps I maybe rejuvenate things that better people than myself developed long ago. But I want to talk a minute about plagiarism. Over the last few years I have had a couple of ideas that I shared with fellow musicians and I got burned. I was just talking last night about a song title that Ruined has that was originally called a different name. I had to change it because when I shared a rough demo version with another musician, about two months later they released an album with that same song title on it. It sounded nothing like my song and as I said I know that I don't make these words up in my room when I am not slaying demons or looking up pedal reviews. But alas I would look like a turd if I then released that same song titled as is especially since we were vaguely within that same genre of music. I would look like the fraud, despite the fact that we both would know I would not be. And it has happened yet again. But as I was talking about above, I am not cool. I am not a voice to be considerate of. If it's my uncool word against someone's cool word then I am fucked and have to deal with it. I am sick of it, and people wonder why I hate everyone. I'm done with it. Stay gloomy and fuck everyone.

P.S. I wrote the above segment several hours ago when I was feeling a sense of enmity. Since then the situation has been for the most part resolved and I have let the majority of my anger go. But I consider writing both a hobby and a catharsis so I decided to leave it the way it was not out of passive aggression but simply as a documentation of a moment in time. God Hates Us All. 

A Charley Horse Of Course Of Course, Palate Cleansing, I'm Blue Da Ba Dee Da Ba Die

Oh the pain...

Woke up from a Charley Horse today. It is astonishing how much those fucking hurt. One minute I was having a dream about shoveling snow from my dad's driveway, (which is half a mile long and dirt, I know I have the best dreams,) and the next minute I am writhing in agony in my own bed flailing around like a dolphin on the deck of a "dolphin safe" fishing vessel. After my flesh has been torn and bones broken by the mechanization below deck I am thrown back to sea because hey, it's still "dolphin safe" cause they didn't kill me they just didn't give me the option to survive. Call me "Survival Impaired!"  Anyways, Charley Horse's fucking hurt I hate them. Eventually I got up and limped downstairs where my french press has been broken for weeks now so I have the option between the Diatomaceous Earth known as "instant coffee" or I can make a lab experiment out of my coffee making experience and with a little Conklin ingenuity make some coffee with the good coffee I have. With a series of strainers and colanders I am able to have a very grainy cup of coffee that has somehow become room temperature during this entire process. Have I mentioned lately that God Hates Us All?

A lot of recipes call for "dice size pieces."
I like that analogy.

I have also been cooking a lot more at home. When you spend most of your days cooking for office peons you get kind of burnt out by the time you get home. But it has been nice always having something to eat around the house. Been keeping the pantry stocked and cooking up some pretty damn tasty shit most days. But last night I made a pad thai that was absolute horse shit. It was just sour and shitty and it really fell short. And yet I kept eating it cause it took me 45 minutes to make and I was going to be pissed if it went to waste. It's interesting how you can fill your stomach with food, even if it is bland and shitty and yet you still don't feel satisfied. It's interesting how much taste and the soul of food plays a role in our subsistence. When I was in Europe I surprisingly ate very well and everything we ate was made vegan and usually fresh right before our eyes. Can't stress this enough, those people have courtesy down to a fucking science. But this one night we were playing in Bulgaria I believe and we were playing this weird yuppie bar with big screen TV's and shit. And the promoter's girlfriend brought us food and it was literally white rice with a bag of frozen peas/carrots mixed in. Not a grain of salt nor spice. Devoid of a drop of oil or vinegar. They were so uncertain of what was vegan that they gave us essentially tree bark. Of course I didn't complain and ate a giant heaping bowl since I hadn't eaten in 14 hours but when I was done I felt like I had eaten a 6-pack of cotton socks. Some days I wish I could just take a pill that gave me all the nutrients I needed for the day and made me feel full too. But I also understand the psychological importance of eating delicious food and I am grateful that I have at least a decent grasp of making good vegan food. I have to make non-vegan food all the time at work and I get no solace when someone compliments me on it cause realistically it is still a carcass of pathogen infested shit that was once a sentient being that had a family. Yeah yeah yeah I know, you're tuning out cause I am being a vegan asshole. Cut me a break though, when you're vegan and you get to be elbow deep in corpses and pasteurized pustule every day you have to vent once in a while. I appreciate all my Carnie friends for letting me be a vegan prick once in a while. Because really none of this matters since we're all going to die and all hope is gone. Fuck yeah!

Had to do it. Listen to Joaquin Phoenix.

He is wise beyond his years. Get your cry on.

Speaking of cooking, I have a character in Sims 4 who is in the culinary career track and I should probably bring my attention to their needs. Oh yeah I got the Sims 4 earlier this week. I have always loved the Sims series, I was obsessed with the first installment and also the Sims 2. Never got into the third one though I heard it honked real hard. But 4 is pretty ding dangly sweet. But as I often do I will leave you with a small music update. As of right now, Ruined is officially booked for studio time in mid-February. We are going to be recording three songs, two of which are previously released songs that I recorded by myself that will be used as a demo to send out for exposure and shit. The third song will be on a split that is brand new and if I hit the mark right will make everyone puke blood and then cry acid tears into the puddle of blood puke. So yeah, look forward to that. Till then, stay gloomy.     

P.S.3. H the B, You Got Gaze In My Shoe-Butter!, Finish Them

Playing Tony Hawk on New Years.
This is my demon face.

I got a PS3 the other week and believe it or not I have been getting out of my room a lot lately. Out of the frying pan and into the dog smelling living room one might say. I once again have been really get back in touch with my nerd roots. Though I consider myself a PC gamer till the day I die, (Note to self: "True Till CPU" throat tattoo? Mull over this more later...) I do enjoy reclaiming my con-"soul" if you will. I used to play console when I was a wee lad back in the potato fields of Conklin long before I had a computer of my own. First we got a Sega Genesis, then a Playstation, then a Playstation 2 and that's pretty much where I have been sitting for oh I don't know the last 13 years or so. Despite a new shinier PS4 being on the market now, I am thrilled to finally have a PS3 of my own. And I am sure that by the time I get burnt out on the PS3 games I have, the PS5 will by coming out making the egregious price of the PS4 fall from it's pinnacle into the depths of lower middle class affordability. Like insatiable demons we will claw ravenously at it's molded carapace and absorb it's visceral power. Until then, we shall lie in wait at the edge of the woods before the gilded fortress of yuppie larvae who's parent's can afford next-gen systems.

Game without shame.

This sums up our current
musical environment.

I got into a conversation yesterday about music. More specifically about the "shoegaze" revival that appears to be happening/has been happening the last few years. I noticed a few people in my feed on my various social networking sites complaining about having less shoegaze bands in the coming year. In a lot of ways I agree with them and like any genre of music it all comes back every few years as each wave of bands who were inspired by the last wave come washing over us all as a raging unstoppable plague. I am more interested in this because I have been playing in shoegaze bands since I was 18 years old. I would say only one of them was a more typical vision of what shoegaze is, (we were called Procession, check it out HERE if you are unfamiliar.) And I have no doubt that had we continued to carry the shoegaze flag into battle years ago we would probably be at least a semi-recognizable band right now. We would probably be touring regularly with many of the typical shoegaze bands you all here about these days. And who knows, that could still come to fruition some day but for now that seems unlikely. But I have been hugely influenced by shoegaze and I think that is apparent in the music I write. So I don't really want to feel guilty or like a poser for pulling some shoegaze out of my toolbox from time to time especially since I have been sharpening my shoegaze blade for almost a decade now. That being said, I think the label shoegaze and indeed many music taxonomies cover a very broad and at times vague description of what a band sounds like. And to anyone who hates "Labels" and think their "Music transcends any Earthly characterization" then you can just blow it out your ass. Personally I love hearing what people think a band "is." The way a person experiences a piece of music is completely unique to that person and that moment in time. Where this rant is heading is essentially to say that though I have a deep appreciation of shoegaze music I think each person who loves it needs to take that passion and mold it into something unique in their own music. RUINED for example, I call us a gloomgaze band because to me that sums it up in a vague way that other people can take or leave. It's also a classification that doesn't have a strong tangible interpretation yet. But when I use hashtags or whatever the fuck those things are with things like #shoegaze, #gloomgaze, #bleak metal, etc. I am using them the way they should be used, an ambiguous umbrella terminology that people who have little, some or a lot of musical experience can interpret and make a judgement call on whether we are worth listening to or caring about. All in all, my point people need to worry less about what these labels mean and take them in stride. But believe me, I am sick of hearing about it too. Most modern bands called shoegaze are garbage and over embellished turds. And so if you think I'm a poser calling my band shoegaze I'll understand that. And if I sit in your lap and shit on you don't take it personal. God hates us all.

Maybe he wouldn't be selfish...

As always I am burnt out again. I have no good ending to this and I just want to go master fatalities in Mortal Kombat. But if Mortal Kombat was real, who would you want to be? I feel like you can tell a lot about a person depending on the character they would want to be in Mortal Kombat. Like if a guy would want to be Sub-Zero they might be a selfish lover. And if they want to be Scorpion that person would be so needy and overbearing constantly wanting you to "GET OVER HERE!!!!" I don't know who I would be, I like Kenshi a lot though. It would not be very cool to be blind but having telekinetic powers would be cool. And his martial arts style is Tai Chi so you know he is probably a nice well rounded person. I don't know, something to think about when you are going to bed tonight. Don't stay up too late though, Shao Kahn isn't going to defeat himself. I am really coo. Stay gloomy. 

100 Shit Nuggets, Won By Walking, Party Like It's...

This was me two years ago.
My shirt says "Animal Liberation" and
I was trying to liberate a lion from a statue.
I was really coo.

Believe it or not this is my 100th post that I have made to this blog. It has been a little over 2 years of rants and trivial observations. Hard to believe I had that much to say especially since little has changed in my life since I began this blog. I still for the most part am either at work or sitting in my room escaping through RPG's or practicing bass. Which if anything that is one of the biggest progressions I have made in my life. I have explored many of the various methods of bass technique and I am glad I never settled onto any one specific specialization. Chronologically I have been in all kinds of bands whose genres are included but not limited to: nu metal, funk metal, noise rock, post-punk, post-rock, post-metal, dark shoegaze, indie-pop shoegaze, power violence, hardcore, bleak metal, drone and all other musical taxonomies that no one knows what the fuck they mean. Though I have gained a lot of knowledge and experience from playing all these different styles they all accumulated to develop my own brand of "mastery" if you could call it such a thing. But writing in this blog has also been a developmental process for me. Though I don't consider writing a passion, I would say it is a hobby of mine that I enjoy. I also find it to be a catharsis within the symbiotic relationship I have with expression and music/writing. I hope that most of you have that elemental aspect of your life that makes it worthwhile. If not, seek it out at all costs. Be a broke asshole like me and whine on the internet every week. It's really coo.

Words to live by.

On the subject of whining and expression, I was reading some Friedrich Nietzsche the other day as every misanthrope does. But I read an interesting segment of his work titled "Homer's Contest" that I would like to extrapolate upon. One of the things I love about Nietzsche is that he is really fun to read and is seldom boring. There is a charm to his writing that few philosophers, (let alone writers,) can emulate with such allure. But often times he will generalize an entire culture or race of people by using an interesting perspective such as, "So far no one has had enough courage and intelligence to reveal me to my dear Germans." To me, this was his way of primarily grouping the philosophers and leading thinkers in these regions more so than making a generalization about the average person on the street. Which as a philosopher/thinker (and a German) it was important that he divorce himself from that identity in order to make his claims and observations seem relevant. Now stay with me here, I will try not to fill your eyes with scholarly feces that will infect your ocular cavity until you develop two symmetrical anus' and you from now on poop out of you face orifices. But in "Homer's Contest" Nietzsche talks about the Greeks and their ancient theologies. How in ancient times Greek culture was seen as the pinnacle of humanity that all other compare themselves to. I won't blab on and on about all the different facets of this piece, but one of the most interesting points he made was that Greeks saw life as a contest. Whether it was war, athletics or even art and expression. It is easy to see the contest in war and athletics but I never really thought about the reason a human would engage in art would be out of contest with others. I have certainly seen some real turd sandwiches walking around who think that they can shit onto a canvas and that makes them an artist. I see the dominate ego at work when I see those types of people. And the more I expound on this and my own culture of musicianship I do find myself more and more seeing most musicians as apocryphal. Though I see expression as an internal spurring and fluid response to the ethereal and intangible, I do see how many people do the right things for the wrong reasons. And the worst part of all of this is I know that many people have so much they want to express and feel that crushing desire to unleash their own potential but they have no ability or pathway to make it happen.  They have no musical or artistic background and the odds are stacked against them to acquire the skills needed to accomplish any ground in the matter. I am so grateful that I spent my teen years honing my own skills instead of engaging in fleeting social dogma. My final point with this is I guess we all need to constantly challenge our own egos. It's whisper is seldom beneficial or encouraging.  Jealousy, envy and hatred are it's weapons and we must disarm ourselves of these tools before they destroy us. Nietzsche uses the example of Miltiades; so obsessed with contest and fame he becomes a vengeful spirit against himself. "To satisfy this craving he misuses fame, state property and civic honor--and dishonors himself...An ignominious death sets its seal on his brilliant heroic career and darkens it for all posterity. The envy of the heavenly powers seized him. And this divine envy is inflamed when it beholds a human being without rival, unopposed, on a solitary peak of fame. Only the gods are beside him now--and therefore they are against him. They seduce him to a deed of hybris, and under it he collapses."

Always relevant.

Keep the faith.

Once again, I ranted for WAY TOO FUCKING LONG!!!! Holy fuck I am so sorry about that. Every time I sit down to do this I tell myself, "Zach, no one gives a fuck. Just make a couple of poo poo jokes and then get the fuck off and play Sim City." Sadly I get pensive and all the people around me do their best to accommodate my rants but they can only handle so much. I salute them for their service and they hold a high honor in my maggot infested heart. Speaking of the maggot army, let me just hit you all with a small Ruined update and then I will finally fuck off. I talk about our plans a lot on here but believe it or not they change drastically almost on a weekly basis. This is due to financially instability, opportunity knocks and of course the fact that I am an impulsive idiot. So this is the maggot game plan as it stands right now. We are saving a little bit of money to hit a studio sometime in February, March at the latest. We are going to record three songs, two of which will end up on a most likely unreleased demo that we plan to send to labels. The third song will be on a split with one of my ole git pals from jolly ole England named Dean and his project KNIFEDOUTOFEXISTENCE. We are hoping to make this a 7 inch hence the search for a label cause vinyl is not fucking cheap. Other than that of course we are still waiting to get tax return money and then buy a van and finally envelop the land in gloom. Rivers will overflow with the tears of the innocent and it will snow sadness forever and ever till the end of time. You know that ole chestnut. Until then, stay gloomy.