Slow March To Burial, Musicianship: Grievance In Motion, Stone Cold Update

Cyclops = March

It's March again. I decided a long time ago that March is my least favorite month of the year. I usually consider myself to be a fall/winter kind of guy more than a spring/summer. Any season that causes more sorrow than hope is alright by me. But for those of you who don't live in Michigan or the great white North our winters tend to push far into our other seasons. So I start to get burnt out with all the frigid wind and window scraping around this time. March is just a shitty ass month where it is close enough to spring to make you look forward but far enough away that it just pisses you the fuck off. The first day of spring is in March but that means dick up here. The closest I have ever come to being in a car accident was when I was 17 and I spun out during a sleet storm and it was the middle of April. Pretty much the only good March I have ever had was when I was in Europe. Three years ago today I was in Madrid, Spain having the time of my life. I should really start writing in my journal again so I can document all the stuff I don't do these days.

Their dates make more sense. Day/Month/Year.

Fuck this is depressing me to watch.

I need to go back.

It isn't all bad news though. I do have a few things on the horizon to look forward to. One thing in particular has me pretty jazzed but I am waiting until all our ducks are in a row before I announce it. I have this habitual nature about me that I get too far ahead of myself. But I also feel that most people don't get ahead of themselves at all. And they don't take any risks or ever run head first into the mist. I was having a talk the other day about being a musician and what that entails. The unfortunate imbalance that happens usually is that your bank account will always be plundered by passion. Most people can't imagine being broke as fuck and simultaneously be planning a road trip at the same time. I would say unequivocally that the average "musician" is not cut out for it and they are too terrified of not playing things safe. But really is that the way you would want it? Would you want to only play shows within a 50 mile radius of where you live and have the record executive happen to show up and sign you on the spot? Where's the fucking fun in that? We all see it happen, where people get handed all the right trappings for doing the wrong deeds. I don't even think they realize what a simple journey they had to go on to obtain their fame. I have said it a million times on here before but I believe that life is about having a wealth of experiences and not fiscal worth. I would rather spend 5 years playing only sewage treatment plant basements and have all the shit filled memories than miss out on them. My main point I was getting at is all to often I believe people try to cripple passionate people for whatever their reasons. Usually they just don't understand the concept of being broke all the time. They need that security and that financial barrier in order to sleep at night. Meanwhile 30 years from now they'll look back and wonder what the fuck they did with their lives while I'll hopefully be on my 37th world shit depository tour "Open Up The Shit Pit Tour 2045." As a musician I rely heavily on the favors of others (booking shows, letting us sleep on their floor, feeding us etc.) And I have come to realize I need to reach out more to people to show my gratitude for these favors. But all in all if you know someone who is passionate about something I implore you to show them support the best you can and think twice before you try and make them feel bad about themselves. If their ambivalence to fiscal responsibilities annoys you so much just remember that they probably sleep on concrete floors and eat lint regularly. It's punishment enough.  

Get this pumped.

Onto the insipid Ruined update you all look forward to. It does feel good to have actual things to talk about now. I feel like this will be a good year for Ruined. I haven't even done an update since we hit the studio I realize. Overall the studio experience was great. We recorded at Amber Lit Audio here in Grand Rapids and it is a really great place to record. It is right on the Grand River next to a train bridge. You can almost smell the rotting crust kid flesh it's that close. We tracked everything live aside from the vocals and I was mystified by the sounds we captured with both the bass and the drums. All the recordings we have had so far was just me alone in my room dicking around with a hand recorder. My bass was muddy and it took a lot of work to make it sound even that shitty. But now before we did any mixing it already had that ethereal effervescence while still maintaining the seismic bellow of my live sound. We got together two days ago and did a quick mix of one of the songs we recorded "Some Years Don't Matter." To the 7 fans we have you will recognize 2 out of the 4 songs we recorded and I hope you'll enjoy the deja vu. But otherwise we should be receiving our first mixes within the week and then I can begin the ritual of listening to them over and over again for several hours everyday. I will keep you all abreast of our progress as it happens. Until then, Stay Gloomy.  

Demon Finale, Reaching Around, Déjà Vu And Fuck You Too

If only...

As often times happen, I don't really have a direction with this again today. I am hungry, out of coffee and my desk is brimming with shit. I am also feeling kind of anxious and overwhelmed. There is so much that I WANT to do and only so much that I CAN do. I suppose that is a pretty typical situation people find themselves in but it honks big time. All week I toil and strive in anticipation of having a day off and when I finally do I spend it whining on here and watching Netflix. The first season of Diablo 3 ends in a few days to so I need to level cap my Demonhunter on there if I want the exclusive trans-mogs. Shit, I guess I actually have a lot to get done today so I should probably make this quick.

This just felt right. 

Recently I have had a small internal conflict. I have been feeling a pull to become more involved in my local music scene. Because realistically, I am pretty much one of those people who complains about how shitty things are and then does absolutely Jack-shit about it. That being said, it is difficult to promote change within a scene when: A. You do not posses any resources within that scene to "demand" change, (vis-à-vis you do not own a tangible space where events could take place or have the social currency to draw in favors from your community; meaning you're not "cool" enough to be paid attention to.) B. You have very little interest in the interests of others that conflict or pale in your opinion to your own agenda. Speaking for myself, I am a misanthrope plain and simple. I just flat out do not put importance on what most people are passionate about. There are exceptions of course. For example: Music. I think music is great and I know a lot of other people feel the same way in my general vicinity. That being said, music is very cultural. Even within the small scene we have in Grand Rapids, it is pretty much like anywhere else. It's fragmented and essentially if you're not doing the "thing" that everyone is digging at the time then your shit out of luck and jolly well fucked. None of what I am saying is news to anyone, most people would either agree or at least relate to what I'm saying in this community and abroad. But let's go back 4 years. When I first moved into the city limits of Grand Rapids and started going to shows a lot more often there was a great sense of comradery. I could go over to the house show of punks, art kids, stoners, metalheads, or twinkly emo's and felt no borders. People moved, venues closed and shit got fucky. It happens. But having experienced it once in my life I have no doubt that music can be fun again in this city. I don't have the answers on how to attain this, and I have a feeling the people calling the shots right now are just as full of shit as any other person on the planet. So for myself this is a difficult path to take. I feel that it is only fair to contribute to a scene that has/(hopefully will) support my own music and endeavors. But I also feel that myself and other loser fuckheads who happen to live here will be ignored. Realistically not everyone is going to get what they want and in fact it will be far from what a good chunk of people will want. The fleeting and negligible topics will most likely take precedence and the rest will go down the shitter. But that doesn't mean people shouldn't at least try to change things even if it is futile. All I can say is God Hates Us All and we should shoot from the belt with that in mind. That made no sense. Fuck it, do it live.

"Got no good plans but a good idea, 

Let's put this town in my rearview mirror. 

Yeah, I got enemies, (fuck em') but they don't know. 

They won't get no glory on that side of the hole."

A feeling I know all too well.

On this same subject, I have to vent about something. For the purpose of anonymity I am going to be mildly vague so I apologize if the following seems confusing. But I have always done my best not to be someone who just shits all over everything out of anger and I want to be reasonable. This is something that has bothered me for a long time, but moments ago another example of it just came to light. I would like to preface this by saying that I know that everything creative has already been done and no idea is ever truly original anymore. I don't consider myself to be a creator of great thoughts but perhaps I maybe rejuvenate things that better people than myself developed long ago. But I want to talk a minute about plagiarism. Over the last few years I have had a couple of ideas that I shared with fellow musicians and I got burned. I was just talking last night about a song title that Ruined has that was originally called a different name. I had to change it because when I shared a rough demo version with another musician, about two months later they released an album with that same song title on it. It sounded nothing like my song and as I said I know that I don't make these words up in my room when I am not slaying demons or looking up pedal reviews. But alas I would look like a turd if I then released that same song titled as is especially since we were vaguely within that same genre of music. I would look like the fraud, despite the fact that we both would know I would not be. And it has happened yet again. But as I was talking about above, I am not cool. I am not a voice to be considerate of. If it's my uncool word against someone's cool word then I am fucked and have to deal with it. I am sick of it, and people wonder why I hate everyone. I'm done with it. Stay gloomy and fuck everyone.

P.S. I wrote the above segment several hours ago when I was feeling a sense of enmity. Since then the situation has been for the most part resolved and I have let the majority of my anger go. But I consider writing both a hobby and a catharsis so I decided to leave it the way it was not out of passive aggression but simply as a documentation of a moment in time. God Hates Us All. 

A Charley Horse Of Course Of Course, Palate Cleansing, I'm Blue Da Ba Dee Da Ba Die

Oh the pain...

Woke up from a Charley Horse today. It is astonishing how much those fucking hurt. One minute I was having a dream about shoveling snow from my dad's driveway, (which is half a mile long and dirt, I know I have the best dreams,) and the next minute I am writhing in agony in my own bed flailing around like a dolphin on the deck of a "dolphin safe" fishing vessel. After my flesh has been torn and bones broken by the mechanization below deck I am thrown back to sea because hey, it's still "dolphin safe" cause they didn't kill me they just didn't give me the option to survive. Call me "Survival Impaired!"  Anyways, Charley Horse's fucking hurt I hate them. Eventually I got up and limped downstairs where my french press has been broken for weeks now so I have the option between the Diatomaceous Earth known as "instant coffee" or I can make a lab experiment out of my coffee making experience and with a little Conklin ingenuity make some coffee with the good coffee I have. With a series of strainers and colanders I am able to have a very grainy cup of coffee that has somehow become room temperature during this entire process. Have I mentioned lately that God Hates Us All?

A lot of recipes call for "dice size pieces."
I like that analogy.

I have also been cooking a lot more at home. When you spend most of your days cooking for office peons you get kind of burnt out by the time you get home. But it has been nice always having something to eat around the house. Been keeping the pantry stocked and cooking up some pretty damn tasty shit most days. But last night I made a pad thai that was absolute horse shit. It was just sour and shitty and it really fell short. And yet I kept eating it cause it took me 45 minutes to make and I was going to be pissed if it went to waste. It's interesting how you can fill your stomach with food, even if it is bland and shitty and yet you still don't feel satisfied. It's interesting how much taste and the soul of food plays a role in our subsistence. When I was in Europe I surprisingly ate very well and everything we ate was made vegan and usually fresh right before our eyes. Can't stress this enough, those people have courtesy down to a fucking science. But this one night we were playing in Bulgaria I believe and we were playing this weird yuppie bar with big screen TV's and shit. And the promoter's girlfriend brought us food and it was literally white rice with a bag of frozen peas/carrots mixed in. Not a grain of salt nor spice. Devoid of a drop of oil or vinegar. They were so uncertain of what was vegan that they gave us essentially tree bark. Of course I didn't complain and ate a giant heaping bowl since I hadn't eaten in 14 hours but when I was done I felt like I had eaten a 6-pack of cotton socks. Some days I wish I could just take a pill that gave me all the nutrients I needed for the day and made me feel full too. But I also understand the psychological importance of eating delicious food and I am grateful that I have at least a decent grasp of making good vegan food. I have to make non-vegan food all the time at work and I get no solace when someone compliments me on it cause realistically it is still a carcass of pathogen infested shit that was once a sentient being that had a family. Yeah yeah yeah I know, you're tuning out cause I am being a vegan asshole. Cut me a break though, when you're vegan and you get to be elbow deep in corpses and pasteurized pustule every day you have to vent once in a while. I appreciate all my Carnie friends for letting me be a vegan prick once in a while. Because really none of this matters since we're all going to die and all hope is gone. Fuck yeah!

Had to do it. Listen to Joaquin Phoenix.

He is wise beyond his years. Get your cry on.

Speaking of cooking, I have a character in Sims 4 who is in the culinary career track and I should probably bring my attention to their needs. Oh yeah I got the Sims 4 earlier this week. I have always loved the Sims series, I was obsessed with the first installment and also the Sims 2. Never got into the third one though I heard it honked real hard. But 4 is pretty ding dangly sweet. But as I often do I will leave you with a small music update. As of right now, Ruined is officially booked for studio time in mid-February. We are going to be recording three songs, two of which are previously released songs that I recorded by myself that will be used as a demo to send out for exposure and shit. The third song will be on a split that is brand new and if I hit the mark right will make everyone puke blood and then cry acid tears into the puddle of blood puke. So yeah, look forward to that. Till then, stay gloomy.     

100 Shit Nuggets, Won By Walking, Party Like It's...

This was me two years ago.
My shirt says "Animal Liberation" and
I was trying to liberate a lion from a statue.
I was really coo.

Believe it or not this is my 100th post that I have made to this blog. It has been a little over 2 years of rants and trivial observations. Hard to believe I had that much to say especially since little has changed in my life since I began this blog. I still for the most part am either at work or sitting in my room escaping through RPG's or practicing bass. Which if anything that is one of the biggest progressions I have made in my life. I have explored many of the various methods of bass technique and I am glad I never settled onto any one specific specialization. Chronologically I have been in all kinds of bands whose genres are included but not limited to: nu metal, funk metal, noise rock, post-punk, post-rock, post-metal, dark shoegaze, indie-pop shoegaze, power violence, hardcore, bleak metal, drone and all other musical taxonomies that no one knows what the fuck they mean. Though I have gained a lot of knowledge and experience from playing all these different styles they all accumulated to develop my own brand of "mastery" if you could call it such a thing. But writing in this blog has also been a developmental process for me. Though I don't consider writing a passion, I would say it is a hobby of mine that I enjoy. I also find it to be a catharsis within the symbiotic relationship I have with expression and music/writing. I hope that most of you have that elemental aspect of your life that makes it worthwhile. If not, seek it out at all costs. Be a broke asshole like me and whine on the internet every week. It's really coo.

Words to live by.

On the subject of whining and expression, I was reading some Friedrich Nietzsche the other day as every misanthrope does. But I read an interesting segment of his work titled "Homer's Contest" that I would like to extrapolate upon. One of the things I love about Nietzsche is that he is really fun to read and is seldom boring. There is a charm to his writing that few philosophers, (let alone writers,) can emulate with such allure. But often times he will generalize an entire culture or race of people by using an interesting perspective such as, "So far no one has had enough courage and intelligence to reveal me to my dear Germans." To me, this was his way of primarily grouping the philosophers and leading thinkers in these regions more so than making a generalization about the average person on the street. Which as a philosopher/thinker (and a German) it was important that he divorce himself from that identity in order to make his claims and observations seem relevant. Now stay with me here, I will try not to fill your eyes with scholarly feces that will infect your ocular cavity until you develop two symmetrical anus' and you from now on poop out of you face orifices. But in "Homer's Contest" Nietzsche talks about the Greeks and their ancient theologies. How in ancient times Greek culture was seen as the pinnacle of humanity that all other compare themselves to. I won't blab on and on about all the different facets of this piece, but one of the most interesting points he made was that Greeks saw life as a contest. Whether it was war, athletics or even art and expression. It is easy to see the contest in war and athletics but I never really thought about the reason a human would engage in art would be out of contest with others. I have certainly seen some real turd sandwiches walking around who think that they can shit onto a canvas and that makes them an artist. I see the dominate ego at work when I see those types of people. And the more I expound on this and my own culture of musicianship I do find myself more and more seeing most musicians as apocryphal. Though I see expression as an internal spurring and fluid response to the ethereal and intangible, I do see how many people do the right things for the wrong reasons. And the worst part of all of this is I know that many people have so much they want to express and feel that crushing desire to unleash their own potential but they have no ability or pathway to make it happen.  They have no musical or artistic background and the odds are stacked against them to acquire the skills needed to accomplish any ground in the matter. I am so grateful that I spent my teen years honing my own skills instead of engaging in fleeting social dogma. My final point with this is I guess we all need to constantly challenge our own egos. It's whisper is seldom beneficial or encouraging.  Jealousy, envy and hatred are it's weapons and we must disarm ourselves of these tools before they destroy us. Nietzsche uses the example of Miltiades; so obsessed with contest and fame he becomes a vengeful spirit against himself. "To satisfy this craving he misuses fame, state property and civic honor--and dishonors himself...An ignominious death sets its seal on his brilliant heroic career and darkens it for all posterity. The envy of the heavenly powers seized him. And this divine envy is inflamed when it beholds a human being without rival, unopposed, on a solitary peak of fame. Only the gods are beside him now--and therefore they are against him. They seduce him to a deed of hybris, and under it he collapses."

Always relevant.

Keep the faith.

Once again, I ranted for WAY TOO FUCKING LONG!!!! Holy fuck I am so sorry about that. Every time I sit down to do this I tell myself, "Zach, no one gives a fuck. Just make a couple of poo poo jokes and then get the fuck off and play Sim City." Sadly I get pensive and all the people around me do their best to accommodate my rants but they can only handle so much. I salute them for their service and they hold a high honor in my maggot infested heart. Speaking of the maggot army, let me just hit you all with a small Ruined update and then I will finally fuck off. I talk about our plans a lot on here but believe it or not they change drastically almost on a weekly basis. This is due to financially instability, opportunity knocks and of course the fact that I am an impulsive idiot. So this is the maggot game plan as it stands right now. We are saving a little bit of money to hit a studio sometime in February, March at the latest. We are going to record three songs, two of which will end up on a most likely unreleased demo that we plan to send to labels. The third song will be on a split with one of my ole git pals from jolly ole England named Dean and his project KNIFEDOUTOFEXISTENCE. We are hoping to make this a 7 inch hence the search for a label cause vinyl is not fucking cheap. Other than that of course we are still waiting to get tax return money and then buy a van and finally envelop the land in gloom. Rivers will overflow with the tears of the innocent and it will snow sadness forever and ever till the end of time. You know that ole chestnut. Until then, stay gloomy.

We Don't Need Roads, No Remorse, Stone Cold Prosperity

Whack attack. 

Been a little while since I have posted. Like many of you I was gored by the holiday mammoth and my carcass was flagellated mercilessly by it's bloodied, albeit jolly tusks. More than any other year this season was especially stressful. I only went out into the world of commerce once this year and it was more than I could bare. I consider myself a level 5 Road Warrior with a major in Smooth Criminology, but even my cantaloupe was getting cooked on the highways of inhumanity. I thought for sure I was going to have to fight off a mob with a tire iron in the Bed Bath and Beyond parking lot. They had eaten the foam dispensing lavender hand soap and were rabid from the demonic Christmas spirit possession. Luckily I tore a page out of the Doc Brown playbook and slammed it to 88 and got the fuck out of there. Shopping would be fine if it wasn't for all the people, and driving places, and carrying shit, and paying for shit I don't need with money I don't have. Oh that's right, shopping fucking honks. I got some cool stuff though and had fun opening gifts with my family/roomies/co-workers. I try to socialize at least once every solstice if I can.

Now let me rip right into a juicy little gripe I have. I always say that I won't rant, but I am almost certain that this will spiral into a bile inducing rage-gasm with an indefinite horizon of conclusion. So buckle up and go take a leak right now. That's right, I want you to strap yourself to your chair and then get up and evacuate your bladders. What is a bathroom break but an opportunity for innovation? I often times talk about what I believe to be the root to all the social problems we face in this world and specifically in this country. It's a simple thing that people seem to either overlook or willfully neglect. The subject of this portion is once again the topic of empathy. I am absolutely convinced that the majority of this country is absolutely bankrupt of any trace of empathy and are morally bereft. Let me lay out a personal example of what I'm talking about. This story is small and paltry compared to the things that many people have to face but here we go. "Twas the afternoon before Christmas, when all through my work. Not a yuppie was stirring, not even a jerk. The soups were in the steam table with care, in hopes that my shift would be fucking over soon there. Some stupid ass kids who'd been dropped on their heads, left shit everywhere and probably pooped in their beds. Their vapid mother had just registered to vote, but her cognition skills were a fucking joke. When out in the dining room arose such a clatter, a big fat fucking scumbag walked in and my heart sank like dark matter." Alright enough rhyming shit, I was working Christmas Eve and in walks Captain Fuckdrain and his big bag of bullshit. A preface though to this, at my work an 86 year old man comes in almost every day with his squeaky cane and buys a coffee and makes polite conversation with all of us there. So before General Shitsqueeze walked in this old man had already got his coffee and was sitting down. The scene is set for my big "humanity should burn" lecture that I was getting to. So Johnny McTurdchew walks up to the counter and wants to know about our soups with a fucking Bluetooth in his ear. I won't take you through every moment of our interaction, suffice to say every moment the thought of smashing his head with a panini grill became more and more enticing. The most important aspect of my story though is this; moments after Corporal Taintswallow and I begin our soup discussion the old man I told you about spills his hot coffee all over his table and himself. I quickly grab a few rags and run over to help him get the hot fucking coffee off of him especially since he can't even get up fast enough to avoid the coffee dripping from the table. So as I am helping him Colonel Cornhole screams, "HEY! I WAS TALKING TO YOU! WHAT'S IN THOSE SOUPS!" In case you are lost, this fucker was offended that I interrupted our soup conversation to help an old man covered in hot coffee. It was Christmas Eve, I was tired, I was cranky, and I was about to use a coffee covered table as an assault weapon. I wish I could tell you all that the Bluetooth Bandit is in the hospital right now, but unfortunately I kept my cool. When people talk to me about the goodness of humanity and the triumph of the human spirit I just can't reason with them. I have had far too many moments like the one described in my life. Animal liberation, human annihilation.

Yep.

2015 better be this good.

Alright that was a long ass rant as expected and I don't believe anyone has read this far. If you have I will just end by saying that I have high expectations for the coming year and have set a lot of goals for myself. I turned 26 four days ago and I want to go on as many tours as possible this year, put out new music, work out a lot, read at least one book a month and just try and be a more well rounded individual. I'd encourage you all to do what you feel needs to be done over the next year to put you in a better place next winter. May the forces of evil become confused on their way to all your homes. Until then, stay gloomy. 

Geek Chic, No Shoes Not Ever, Across The Sea

This just felt right to me.

Hello again one and all. Not sure how in depth I will get today or how real shit will be but we'll just get going and see what happens. I kind of just want to drink coffee, play World of Warcraft and listen to Rammstein. Yeah I play World of Warcraft again and I gotta say I have been having a blast. Much like Diablo 3, Blizzard has done a great job of cleaning up the shitty aspects of their games and listen to player suggestions. With that being said I pretty much fucking hate every person on the fucking game. It is seldom that I can play an hour without hearing a racial slur or a misogynistic annotation being broadcast. Things like this make me reflect from time to time on why I identify with certain sub-cultures even though I pretty much hate every person beneath my banner more than the rest of the world. Complacent vegans prancing around like they are going to save everyone or sanctimonious straight edge kids who feel that alienation is the greatest form of outreach. I'd say for every one of the cohorts I meet in these circles that I like, I hate probably seventeen others. May nothing but sorrow and squalor befell them and their ilk. But gamers are probably some of the biggest pieces of shit on Earth. There was a time when I felt like gaming was a safe haven for the outcasts and reprobates of the world. But it has now become a place for bloated ultra cretins who have given up on companionship and would rather troll everyone and everything. Or it is a place for the frat guy who blows off some steam after a failed date rape attempt by pwning noobs in Call of Duty. I would say that the solution would be to put JEWEL WASP larvae in the next batch of Gamer Fuel and hope all these cockroaches are dragged to the nearest burrow and eaten alive beneath the cold soil. But please, leave my Code Red alone.

I love this band. This band and Tool

are my WoW playlist.

In other news, lots of changes in the Ruined camp this week. We had a practice last night and we worked really hard on a new song that we have been working on. It's different than a lot of our material but we are both having a lot of fun working out the kinks. We also play in a room that was built on top of our garage that has absolutely no insulation or heating so we are building a shitload of character every time we practice now. (See my last post about the glorious merits of Northern character building.) I did buy a few of those hand-warmer things that react to air and they were a big help. You know that thing Elizabeth Banks was using in "Zack and Miri Make A Porno?" The thing that got lodged in Seth Rogen's taint? Love that movie, such a sweet soundtrack. But I was feeling like the Lich King one minute and the breath of Deathwing the next! WoW reference! ROFLCOPTER!!!  But yeah I tossed one of those in my pajama pants and would put my hand in there between songs and it helped out a shitload. But after practice we sat and had a talk about future plans. And afterwards I think we both felt a lot better about our long term goals. As of right now, we are going to push back recording our full length for a bit for several reasons. First of all, I don't think we have enough of a following that anyone would really give a shit about a full length coming out. I would rather hold off and get more people interested before dropping that shit like it's hot. Secondly, as of right now we have no recordings of us as a duo to send into labels who would maybe be interested in putting said full length out. So our plan now is we are going to record another EP in the next month that will probably get released independently as a way of gaining interest with both the general gloom masses and so we can have a solid "demo" if you can call it that to send to labels. Now for all the die hard Ruined fans out there who have already carved "Kill God" into their arms don't get too excited. This EP will most likely have 3 songs on it, 2/3 of which are songs that I previously recorded by myself in my room. Now that third song will most likely be the brand new one we have been working on so if you have your headphones on and a belt tied around your neck anxiously awaiting new material you are in luck! You will be able to achieve gloom-gasm once again soon! But for the most part we wanted to finally have a recording that would be a better representation of our overall sound and capture more of that live essence that makes us worth talking about around the water cooler back at Gloom HQ.

When in Rome. Creep out tourists.

Today I will leave you with a nostalgic rant. You know how everyone knows that person who has been to Europe and they come back and it's all they talk about? And they won't shut up about how much better it is there and that they can't wait to go back? Well I have tried really hard the last 2 or 3 years not to be that guy. But the other day I got caught up watching old videos from the tour I did with BEARTRAP and WITCH CULT of our 59 shows in 60 days across the majority of Europe and I just got so fucking pumped. And you know what, this is my damn blog and I can say whatever the fuck I feel like so please feel free to tune out. I miss it so much over there. Everyone loves music and will listen to everything and rock to every band that comes to town especially if they are from another country. We are nothing like that over here, so fucking jaded. My pals from Europe, (if you're reading this Dean, Mazz and Fee I miss you all deeply,) talk about coming over here and I want them to but at the same time I know it would fucking honk for them. They'd make shit money and no one would give a fuck. But I also miss the raw aggression of playing hardcore/powerviolence music. I don't think I would ever start a band like that or become a permanent member but I would love to fill in again for a tour like that. I emerged from my shell a lot more becoming a part of that culture for a brief amount of time. And though it was frustrating and lonely at times I wouldn't pass up another opportunity like that for anything. I don't really have any point to all this other than occasionally I think we all need to ignore the advice of others, say fuck it to our jobs and financial security and just go fucking do something with our lives. Stay free, stay alive and stay gloomy.

One day I will return.

To Defy The Laws Of Tradition, The Public Sucks, Fuck Hope

Me after the show. It was coo.

Another gloomy ass day here in Michigan. I slept 12 hours last night and I believe I am finally caught up on my sleep now. I have been pretty run down the last few days since I went and saw Primus in Detroit on Monday. Needless to say the show was incredible and I can't believe it took me so long to finally see them live. But I didn't get home until about 2 am and I had to be up for work 4 hours later. So I was pretty fucked up the last couple of days but I think I feel better now. I know everyone says this about celebrities or musicians they love but I really think that I would love hanging out with Les Claypool. We seen really like minded in some ways. He is kind of whacky and weird, but he is actually gloomy as fuck. He was explaining that the song "Mrs. Blaileen" was about a kid in his class who killed another kid. I wish he would have talked more I wanted to hear about each song. He did call out this stupid jam-band fuckwad in the front row who was whipping everyone around him with his dreads it was great. On the drive home we talked about scary moments from our childhoods and how we should all start a gun club. Perhaps the two topics were connected in some way I can't recall. But overall it was a great experience and I can't wait until the next time they come to town so I can get in the pit and try to love someone.

Gloom warrior in whacky clothing.

In other news our nation hit the polls on Tuesday. I am not going to go on a political rant here because I believe politics are the vapid manifestations of craven harbingers and heartless manipulators. No my topic today is not about the cogs of democracy or the illusion of power but more so the cohabitation of thoughtful individuals. For the most part, especially when it comes to politics, I have kept a general "To each their own" philosophy. I know that there is little point in arguing with someone about our opposing perspectives on whether or not the president will put tariffs on imported mule piss or whether or not the senate will pass the "Kill All Brown People" bill. At the end of the day, both people are just going to get mad and accomplish jack shit. But as I said for the most part I am quite ambivalent on what people choose to do whether they choose to vote or not vote. After all God hates us all and we're all going to rot one day so why pid a paddum if you don't have to? But every couple of years when the trench coat of political process opens and shows us all it's perverted amalgamated manhood I am left exasperated from my peers. There is something incredibly personal about the act of participating in political agenda isn't there? I can only tell you from personal experience but I promise that I could tell a religious person, "Hey, your God is a farse and you're a fucking idiot." And they would get offended but for the most part would likely disregard what I said and find comfort in knowing I will burn forever and they will not. But dare it be suggested that someone just doesn't give a fuck either way, it is earth shattering. I have lost friendships, had relationships fall apart and even had a dad slap me repeatedly because of my political abstention. I had no issue with their choice to include themselves in something I didn't believe in, but they could not see through to let me follow my own path. And one thing I have learned is the ideologically we would all live in the gray and be open to all other thoughts and opinions and never tip the scale. But realistically that is not the world we live in, and true balance is the polar magnetism of opposition. I could of course go on an even longer rant but in summation, just please leave me the fuck alone about that shit. And yeah, fuck voting. Thanks.

Our album release party.

Otherwise, a small Ruined update before I go find some food. We finished a new song last night and overall I am really excited about it. It's really different for us in some ways. It's kind of disgustingly heavy and at the same time progressive in parts. I am excited to play it live on day and it will hopefully make people's bowels release at every gig. We'll go on the "Shit Kicker Tour" and become legends across the globe overnight. With that song in the bag though we plan on writing one more song that is in the vein of a solid "typical" Ruined song which will pretty much wrap up our full length material. I have a couple of other tracks to solidify and we will be working over the next couple months to hammer out all the material we have but we hope to hit the studio early next year. I cannot wait to get this record done and buy a van and hit the road fucking hard. I want to try and go to the west coast and back next spring and maybe do a tour of the south also. These of course are all pipe dreams right now but I feel like I just need to push through this winter and maybe the things I have been striving for will finally come to fruition. Look at me, getting all hopeful and shit. That's fucky man. Stay Gloomy. 

The German Himself Does Not Exist, He Is Becoming, He Is "Developing Himself"

I have been missing
Europe a lot lately.

Alright I just woke up from a nap so I am feeling pretty groggy and shitty. I am sipping on some coffee and listening to some noir-as-fuck jams right now so this post could go anywhere. I am quite languid at the moment so I am not sure if my typical bubbling rage will reach the surface or not but who knows. I am listening to the album "Sunset Mission" by this band called Bohren and Der Club of Gore. As you can imagine they are German and it is some of the best shit I have heard in a long time. Ambient jazz mixed with sultry soundscapes and avant-garde electronics. Watch out Scorpions, and hold onto your flame shooting cod pieces Rammstein, there's a new cowboy in town. Well, like 15 years ago they were new but still. Not the type of band I would expect to come out of Germany though. My experience with playing shows in Germany was a place of kindhearted natures and fellowship. Minus the fact that they didn't seem to grasp the concept of holding doors open for people. Everywhere else I went in Europe when I would be carrying an 80 pound cab most people (despite the language barrier) would sense that I would appreciate if they held the door open. I couldn't even get people to move out of the way in a crowded room I had to just gently barrel into them and they'd look at me like I was the asshole. Yeah in fact I would say I felt genuinely ignored the entire time I was in that country so fuck that kindhearted thing I said earlier. Now I am just mumbling about nothing though and should probably move on. ONWARD!

Bomb ass ambiance.

Coo...

I have had a much more placid repose as of late. As many of you know I am often times crushed by an asphyxiating sense of urgency to make my goals become realities. Primarily when it comes to my music and the distance I wish to go with my music. Yet often times I find myself picking up my bass and feeling arid and listless. Often times this is due to the demanding mental and physical strain of my job. If my co-workers weren't so coo I would probably be found in a psychiatric ward sobbing and eating my own excrement. To anyone reading this who ever buys food from anywhere, could you stop being such fucking shit-hammers? It's just food okay? Sure being hungry honks, but the sun will explode one day and your body will be torn asunder by a solar flare so intense that your eyes will become liquid mercury and you will choke where you stand as your lungs ignite like thermite as your chest cavity becomes another Hindenburg tragedy. You will be left nothing more that an ashen prodigality and none of this shit will matter anymore. Which if your anything like me that gives me great comfort and fills me with a sense of calm. But when I am not feeling these urgent and onerous sensations I have been taking great joy in the little things that life has to offer. I have been watching South Park a lot again lately which reconnects me with my teenage years. I have been doing a lot of research again for some new pedals I am interested in getting which gives me something to look forward to. And I have been gaming periodically still which always helps me escape the burdens of everyday life. 

Me 36 hours from now.

And on the subject of gaming, I have posted this a few times online already. But starting tomorrow night I will be gaming for 24 HOURS STRAIGHT with my brother as a charity event for Helen Devos Children's Hospital. I have almost reached my goal but if any of you would like to donate and help me close the gap I would greatly appreciate it. Feel free to DONATE HERE and any donation would be greatly appreciated. I am not as young as I once was and this is going to be quite a journey. My brother plans to stream our progress via Twitch.tv and I will be sure to post that tomorrow when we get all set up. Now that I have gotten my charitable bit out of the way, fuck everybody and God hates us all. Stay Gloomy.   

Asshole Association of Radical Piety, On The Juice, Regretful Reminiscence

Me at work.

I skipped last week for various reasons. The leading reason being that I had a really boring week and had nothing to talk about. You see my life is quite monotonous and I have been spending my days either slaying demons, slaying dragons or occasionally slaying demonic dragons. Or I am at work facing the yuppie invasion that is ArtPrize. Luckily there is only a few more days left and we can be safe once more until next harvest. I don't know what is worst, the young naive yuppie larva or the pious elderly arthropods who expelled the amniotic sac the yuppies breached in order to ruin my fucking day. These aren't the elders I grew up around, these people are the definition of privilege. They believe everything should be handed to them because of their AARP status, "The Grand Marshall of Bag Balm." I have always respected the wisdom of those older than me, but these are just the vacuous husks of the same boring shitty people we all despise today. The yuppies of today will be the arbitrary and mercurial pissants of tomorrow. All of my grandparents were industrious, loving and forgiving people who knew a lot about living simply and within our means. If I get one more seasoned woman ripping my head off because her hazelnut coffee is "Too hazelnutty" or another wretch of a man barking "If I don't get four quarters I will never come here again!" I will howl to the unforgiving sky and shot-put their broken bodies into the nearest bee hive. In the words of George Carlin, "Fuck these boomers, fuck these yuppies, and fuck everybody now that I think of it."

Necro-Baby and I at the gig.

In brighter news Ruined played with Jucifer last Monday and it went really fucking well. Sky and I were both a little nervous about playing at a new venue that is meant for "big boy" bands. We also weren't sure how well received we would be since it was going to be mostly a bar crowd. I have never liked playing bar shows and up to this point every bar show I had ever played went really shitty. But for those of you not familiar with the venue here in Grand Rapids called The Pyramid Scheme it is actually a cool joint. The biggest upside for me was that the venue is separate from the main bar area and you have to pay to get into the venue. The only reason this is cool is that it increases the likelihood that only people interested in music will be allowed in. So it keeps a lot of the shitasses who just want to sit and try and get laid our of the mix. There is still a small bar within the venue but for the most part anyone in the room is there to actually WATCH the bands play. As always though as soon as I grabbed my bass and got my game face on it all felt really natural and we sounded good and the set went really smooth. We ended the set with a cover of "Too Many Puppies" by Primus that I am pretty sure took everyone by surprise. Needless to say too Jucifer's set was fucking mind blowing. By that point I was getting extremely tired though since I am normally in bed by 9 o'clock cause I am a fucking loser. But I look forward to hopefully playing there again in the future.  

"Too many puppies are taught to heel."

Me everyday during
my early 20's.

In gloomy ass news I made the mistake of reflecting upon old memories and past miseries. Though my station in life is rooted in a more stable sense of emotional permanence, I can't help but have a sense of longing for mistakes I may have made or at least for never seeking resolution with certain people who perhaps held an important role in my past. I talk about this a lot; how some people are just shit-turds who will never change or listen to reason. And though we may seek sanctuary from having to face these people ever again, the fact remains that their impact still haunts us to this very day. We all have varying degrees that we almost seem to seek out discontentment and even are drawn to people who make us regret every interaction with them. Some people are completely fine with avoiding people who they know in their hearts and minds as being completely unstable and not worth interacting with. But for me, I still bubble beneath the surface now and then with the curiosity of wondering where people are and even wish I had handled things differently so we could at least be on speaking terms. But alas I know that most likely this will all fade into vapor and I will return to my daily thoughts of hatred and insecurity with the world around me. I only mention this as to give strength to others and to receive it back in kindness when facing my own personal demons. I don't have any wise words for those of you dealing with a similar internal struggle, all I can say is that my mind has a firm and rational hold on my current life. I have a clear vision of how I need to live my life and to whom I need to steer from to stay bound to tepid existence. But my soul's desires will always be enigmatic at best. A turbid maelstrom of faith and doubt. I must spend out my days seeking balance within the dichotomy of my spiritual wisdom. I know that this whole thing was vague, confusing and overall a waste of you time. But I just needed to express myself and I enjoy ranting from time to time. Anyways, forever and always. Stay Gloomy.   

Musky And Muscle-y, Husky and Gloomy, Nerdy and Fucky

Look into the abyss.
And the abyss stares back.

Woke up later than expected this morning. It was our first officially cold morning here in Michigan. It was nice to throw pajama pants on and a Pokemon sweater right away and head downstairs to brew some nice hot coffee. I have been anxious to jump into the Fall framework this year and have acquired provisions for this most gratifying season. I went into Yankee Candle the other day and bought a few Fall themed candles to get in the spirit of things. I walked in and it was only myself and the clerk which I always find myself walking on egg shells in a place like that. First of all, the last time I was in there I broke a 30 dollar candle on accident because I lifted from the lid like an idiot. But also I am of course looking like a Maggot and wondering around the store trying to let my olfactories take in all the emanations. I could tell the clerk was nervous and assumed that I planned to make a "Five Finger Discount" for myself whereby she would have to give me the "Five Finger Death Punch." A battle would ensue in the Yankee Candle Fortress and the Candle Commandos would rush in but I would cut them off at the bridge that allowed passage over the great Melted Wax Moat. Alas eventually I would be overwhelmed and would be trapped in a giant jar where I would await my "scentence." I would be transmogrified into an exclusive scent and sold to the Scent Barons for my transgressions. He who controls the scent, controls the universe. Which beckons the question, if you were made into a Yankee Candle; what would your scent be? They had all kinds of crazy ass scents, one section being limited to only "Man Scents." Which for any of you who don't frequent the land of Yankee Candle the scents included: Mmm Bacon, Man Town, Ale Beer and of course Camouflage. Who the fuck would want their house to smell like bacon? I work in food service, believe me you don't want your clothes smelling like bacon. "Yes I am looking for a candle that is between "Rotting Corpse" and "Tar Pit," any suggestions?" "...Right this way..." And what would "Camouflage" smell like? I would imagine it would have to be what Predator's dreads smelled like. Or Arnold Schwarzenegger covered in mud. Either way, win win right there. I would have to imagine my scent would have to be somewhere between "Burnt Bible" and "Blood Soaked Urinal." The possibilities are endless. But eventually I broke the ice with the clerk when I noticed a 300 dollar candle keg and had to inquire about it. She seemed extremely bored and told me all about this legendary candle. Apparently she has only ever seen one person by one of these and that is burns for over 115 hours and that she is constantly telling people to put it down because they want to take selfies with it and that...hmm...I just realized I have spent an exorbitant amount of time talking about my visit to Yankee Candle. I guess I need to get out more.

Bet that'd smell good.

My childhood.

Moving on! What else can I waste your time with...I suppose it should be mentioned that today is of course the anniversary of the World Trade Center attacks. I don't feel like going on a long rant about that but I will let George Carlin rant for me in the video below. It has also been three years since my Grandpa passed away. He was a good guy who in coalescence with my Grandmother taught me a lot about compassion and the symbiosis that humans can find with animals. My Grandpa and Grandma ran a rescue for Siberian Huskies and my Grandfather was at the time of his death the oldest dogsled racer in Michigan.  I always had such a mystic and whimsical fascination and admiration with my Grandparents unwavering love they had for another species and that stuck with me. As in most cases you don't realize how much someone affected your life until you are no longer able to tell them so. Many of you may know by now I am not very vocal about the things I love and focus more so on the things I despise. And I don't expect most people to understand my perspectives on things. But I feel that I am actually a very compassionate person though I may be private about my feelings more often than not. And I am not embarrassed or discouraged to express those feelings when they come to be. But I just hope that the few people I do care about know that I think of them often and am consumed by longing and regret for my absence from their lives.

Gone too soon.

I searched "RPG Nerd"
and found this.

Wow that got way more cereal than I intended. Lets keep this gloom train rolling! I will leave off with once again a small Ruined update. We practiced last night for the first time in a while but we have a set time slot now so we will hopefully be burning through new material at a much faster pace. We have the pieces aligned for most of the material that will be on our upcoming full length. It will probably be a couple more months before we hit the studio but I see the twinklings of magical gloom fairy dust peaking upon the horizon. Fall will forever be my most creative and ambitious time of year. Something about everything dying and the impeding winter of woe really kicks me in the ass and makes me want to play more. In fact I also got a new fuzz pedal last night which sounds really fucking cool. I used to think I would never be a pedal board guy but it has been so much fun researching and finding new and exciting pieces to add to my gloom arsenal. It is a lot like gearing a character in an RPG but in real life! I have my "6-String Axe of Anguish" with +666 Heresy Bonus and instant Mana Burn. My "Delay Pedal of Lost Memories" that saps Mental Health Regeneration for all I come in contact with. And now my "Fuzz Pedal of Infinite Laceration" that gives an Armor Piercing boost with a 47% chance to cause enemies to flee. I am hoping to have most of my rig set up when recording time comes around so I can reproduce sounds from the record live. Though Ruined is "The Band That Grand Rapids Forgot" our gloom works like a Space Marine spearhead; "One unbreakable shield against the coming darkness. One last blade, forged in defiance of fate. Let it be my legacy to the galaxy I conquered. And my final gift to the species I failed." Essentially, we're going to fuck shit up. Stay Gloomy.

Ultimate Sorro-Warrior, Witch Is Worst, Refuse Remembrance

WAAAAAGGGGGGGHHHHHH!!!!!

Little late on my post this week. My schedule at work was a little different this week and I have actually been gaming a whole butt-load lately playing Borderlands 2 again. I don't play many games very often, but when I do play a game I play it Ultimate Warrior style. Day in, day out. No sleep, lots of food and soda. You know that kid you knew in high school who no one liked because he was such a loser and it made you puke to even think about having a bonding friendship with that person? That guy was me. And it's nice to reclaim that once auspicious chapter of my life from time to time. And it is also nice to know that a new Borderlands will be coming out in less than two months titled "Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel." I would have a hard time listing a series of games that are even close to being as fun as the Borderlands games. The story telling is magnificent, the characters are engaging and playful and the antics are sometimes crude and compelling all at once. And the inside jokes are never ending. The character I am playing as is called a "Mechromancer" who basically summons a robot pal to her side who has special abilities. But hearing my character yell "Number 5 Alive!" or "To Hell With The First Law!" always makes me chuckle. I had a dream this morning that I was a lore writer for video games. That would be a really cool job to have. Though I am sure it is very competitive and you need a lot of college experience. Being a Maggot won't get you everywhere in life...

This game is so coo...

Took them 7 years to turn
gold into lead.

I also finished all 7 seasons of "Sabrina The Teenage Witch" this week. (I know, this week has been crazy productive over here.) I actually rarely ever finish watching an entire series of any show. Usually I get bored or distracted by something before I am able to push through to the end, and often times I don't want to push through the end. I am the same way with games, I have never beaten Final Fantasy 8 and I am kind of grateful for that. It makes it extraordinary every time I pick up a controller to take that game on once ever 2 years or so. But finishing "Sabrina The Teenage Witch" made me think a lot about television shows and how they all sort of follow a similiar formula. For the most part I think we can all agree that a show is at it's best in the first 2 or 3 seasons of it's inception. Then it starts taking a shitty turn when the writers realize, "Well fuck, we have another season to write and we can't have Sabrina do something selfish every episode and have the Witch's Council get all pissed off every other minute and we can't keep having the toaster send summons and shit mail." So I don't really blame the writers for needing to progress with their shows in some way. But a small SPOILER ALERT for anyone who has not seen the last season of "Sabrina The Teenage Witch;" her aunt's leave the show and basically she becomes a shitty writer who starts dating some idiot 40 year old club owner who locks Salem (the talking cat) in a kennel carrier all fucking day, (Fuck you old dude, ANIMAL LIBERATION!!!!!!) and she hardly ever uses her magic at all. Now back to my point; at the point that essentially all the noteworthy characters on a show have checked out and the nucleus of the entire show is basically now a bloated corpse meandering in the froth of the creative pool they once drew upon, shouldn't you just give up? "Hey we had a nice run, now let's just fuck off." Would that be so bad? I know I just went on a huge rant but I guess what I am trying to say is I wish people knew sooner when would be the best time to fuck off. That being said, I am glad Sabrina and Harvey end up living happily ever after. Harvey was coo...

There was a dead fish where I was standing.

Otherwise, we started taking some footage for a Ruined music video the other day. Sky and I walked along the Grand River and took some gloomy shots after it had been raining pretty heavily. I moved a log so Sky could cross a really muddy area and as I was holding it I thought to myself, "Why does this smell like shit?" And then I remembered I was by the Grand River. Good thing I had Purell with me. But yeah that was fun, still quite a bit of work to do but that's happening. Otherwise we are still just working on our new material in preparation of heading into a studio to record. This time of year always gets my bass juices flowing. I am really looking forward to fall and I am glad we will be recording during that time. I feel way more creative and ephemeral during the colder seasons. Some of my fondest memories and first shows I played in Grand Rapids were during the fall and winter time. Dragging 80 pound amps down ice encapsulated stairwells while tripping over passed out junkie punk fucks while beer puke rains upon me. Good times. With that I shall take my own advice and fuck off. This blog post is no longer interesting at all. Stay Gloomy.