Thursday, October 24, 2013

Nailed To The X-Files, Later-Anus, The Capricorn Curse

Even this episode creeped me out.
I woke up today feeling anxious and restless which was probably due to two factors. The first one being that I watched way too many episodes of the X-Files last night and it put me a little on edge. Still to this day at 24 years old that theme song still creeps me the fuck out. When I was a kid I had two options when my parents would watch that show: Either sit in the dark room with my parents and watch the show, or sit in an adjacent dark room by myself and cry and listen to the noises of spooky aliens coming to eat my face off. That was the situation for me a lot of times when I was young. I was easily scared of the dark, or spiders or aliens. So while my parents or peers wanted to watch scary movies, they would often times roll their eyes and realize "Oh wait, Zach is scared of every fucking thing that has ever existed, guess we should lock him in another room so we don't have to listen to his cries of terror." That may be a mild exaggeration but you get my point. I felt like I was a burden a lot of times, but in some ways that may have helped me overcome my fears. As I got older, I just sort of stopped being scared. It happened very rapidly and I couldn't pin point when I started to be okay with scary things but one day I just grew up I guess. But watching that show brought about a lot of repressed anxieties that I used to feel on a daily basis when I was a young boy. Though I find that show interesting and fun to watch, I think I need to pace myself whenever I watch it.

But the second thing that drove me from my slumber was that my hand recorder arrived in the mail yesterday. So today was the first day that the cosmic door of being able to record shit was open to this lowly potato munching maggot. I also needed to start finishing vocals for the four Procession songs we recorded back in February. It's really hard to believe that it's been that long since we recorded those songs, but hey I guess if it takes us eight months to finish four songs then they must be pretty fucking good songs right? I mean Tool took five years to write "Lateralus" and that had thirteen songs on it. So we're about on track with that shit. And to be fair, this is some of the best shit we have ever written. Hopefully it will be well worth the wait. I don't really know what lies ahead for that band but I am feeling really excited about those recordings and who knows. Do it live.

If only we sounded this good.

Professor Shit-Shingle is nothing like Ben Stiller in
"Pick of Destiny." He'd be totally coo.
He looks more like this shit-ass. What a shit-ass.
The day after I ordered that recorder though I ended up ordering a mic stand to hold it while I am playing instruments or doing vocals. The mic stand arrived earlier today but I was foolish enough to think that it came with a mic clip attachment with it. It of course did not. So now I am delayed once again for recording the Ruined tracks I have been talking about recently. I could do it and just lean the hand recorder against something but it'd be nice to keep a consistent sound setup throughout the recording process. But anywho, I thought about going to Guitar Center to just buy one on the spot instead of waiting for a clip to show up in the mail. But I have decided I am officially retiring from shopping at Guitar Center. I had so many reasons to hate that store for so long but now I have had enough. I have described the employees of Guitar Center before: Narcissistic, bile bellowing shit-hammers. But there is this one guy who, for the sake of anonymity, we will call "Professor Shit-Shingle." I fucking hate this guy. Whenever I walk into that store he is of course always there, waiting in the shadows to strike out and spew his drivel and hawk his shitty guitar strings and unreasonably priced bullshit. But there is someone I hate even more then him, and that is myself. I despise the way that I act when he talks. I just sort of nervously laugh at his dreadful jokes and try to push through so I can just buy my fucking strings and leave. And when he finds out that all I want to spend is four dollars, he starts pining and imploring me to buy more shit. And it is so ingrained within me to avoid confrontation that I just bottle it up and hope that it will all be over soon. Despite my intense misanthropy, it is difficult for me to be rude to people especially strangers. It's that damn Capricorn personality I tell you. If I had my druthers, this would be the perfect scenario. I enter the store. "Hey bro! Come to check out the X-49 Turd Humper huh?" says Professor Shit-Shingle. And I would respond with, "Fuck you Professor Shit-Shingle. I hope your dental hygienist castrates you with dental floss at your next cleaning."  Only in a perfect world. 

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