Beyond The Shore, I Am Scum Between Your Toes, The Pepsi Challenge

I look once more...

Many of you may be able to relate with this. But lately I have been feeling like I am approaching a fork in the road. A little over a year ago I had been unemployed for a while after coming home from a European tour. It was difficult for me to imagine going back to a job and perpetual misery after such a life altering experience. Obviously I am grateful to have been given the chance to even go on such an endeavor, but it changed me greatly and made the bitter become acrid when it came to the monotony of life. But after quite a few months the realism was either I find employment or go live in the woods somewhere. Like most people, I thought of it as a temporary bandage to help me get back on my feet until the next rock n' roll adventure arrived just around the river bend. Then I would ask the grinning bobcat why he grins. Then I would sing with all the voices of the mountain and paint with all the colors of the wind. Sorry, let me get back to being cereal. ("Serious" to the South Park layperson.) But alas, it has been since last February since my last even mild rock n'roll adventures. And money of course is always a factor; need to make money in order to fund the rock n' roll fantasy. I have no van, few able or willing musical companions and am left with only shitty gear and decent ability. None of that adds up to being a functional, self-sufficient musician. But what are we to do us dreamers of dreams? Jerk off and eat at Wendy's until the end of time? I accepted long ago that I was always going to poor, but I wanted my life to be enriched with experience. And the past year I fear I have been letting myself down. And that's okay, sometimes we trip up along the way. It's just important that we are able to recognize the faulty choices we make and eliminate them from our lives.

This is me whenever I
reflect upon my life.

But I am trying to stay motivated to dig myself out of the capitalist grave I have dug for myself. I decided over the weekend that I was going to record a 5 song EP for Ruined. I have had a few songs for a very long time that I never had the chance to decently record and I felt that I really need to get some actual tangible music out to the gloom masses. I recorded all the music yesterday and hope to get started on vocals today if I can get some of the rough mixes done. The fact that it has taken this long to even record these songs is yet another nail in the coffin of disappointment that I have for myself but fuck it, better late then never I suppose. I was going to hold out and just shoot for a full length, but these songs come from a different chapter in my life. I still think they are important to be released, but I am not where I was then. But I often times look to the past to keep me present. Like whenever I am unhappy I like to look back and thing "Remember when you lived in a frigid basement with only mice as companions and feces for sustenance?" That really makes me appreciate living in arctic tundra conditions but with cats as companions. I am really hoping to get some support for this release so it can help me start acquiring essentials that I have mentioned like a new bass, a tour van, a reason to live. You know, shit like that. None of this post is very entertaining and I apologize for that, I guess I am feeling a little macabre. Here, let me lighten the mood with a story from my boyhood.

Unrelated, but I have been hearing a shitload about 

this band Chelsea Wolfe. I was listening to this record

while I was writing this. It's pretty good but I think

it will grow on me more. 

That's me in the back there.
Probably the last smile of my innocence.

One Halloween, actually several Halloweens I dressed as a Pepsi can. My mom made this really coo costume and I wore it for as many years as I could before my stupid maggot body pulsated and grew too large to fit inside of my carbonated uniform. I guess I am still angry about outgrowing that costume, I would probably still be wearing it right now. Covered in mustard stains and ejaculate, what a sad state I would be in but hey at least I would still have my innocence. Anywho! In 5th grade I wore my costume to school and I must say it's probably the one time in my life that I felt pretty coo. Everyone else had some cool costumes but there was no denying that mine was totally the coo-est. A quick side story; during that time we were learning about how plants grew. So we all had planted a soybean into Styrofoam cups with our names on them with dirt and we were responsible for watering them and taking care of them. Well that Halloween, Kerry King had other plans for me. I was dressed in my big happy fun time Pepsi can costume and I happened to see one of my friends outside the window where the plants were basking. I ran to the window out of excitement for them to see me in my super coo costume. Unfortunately the apparel I was adorning was beyond my 5th grade skill of depth perception. I accidentally knocked almost every plant in the classroom over, destroying the progress we had all made and thereby setting the tone for the rest of my life. Everyone in the class didn't talk to me the rest of the day and I ducked my head into my soda can carapace and cried quietly as to not ruin anything else until I got to go home. I think the hatred I have received and my identity as "That Guy Who Ruins Happiness For Everyone Else" could be traced back to that very moment. So there, that's my super funny lighthearted story from my childhood! YAY!!!! Have a great day everyone!