Friday, December 13, 2013

Mole Asses, Jolliest Asshole This Side Of The Nuthouse, A Dwarf Is A Dwarf Of Course Of Course

ZZ Top rhymed "molasses" with
"sunglasses" in that one song they
wrote that one time. I couldn't think
of anything else molasses related.
Have you ever put brown sugar in your coffee? I was in a tight spot the other day sugar wise and I did the ole "Fuck it, do it live" maneuver which always gets me out of tight jams. I added brown sugar and I gotta tell you, it is worth experiencing. I think molasses is coo. If anyone ever put a chainsaw to your larynx and wanted to know your thoughts on molasses, would you have a well developed and articulate answer for them? These are the scenarios I train for daily. Though they are rare, you will be kicking yourself when the time comes for getting beheaded due to simple unpreparedness. I love molasses. Has lots of uses and believe it or not has some great health benefits too. To any fellow vegans our there, I highly suggest you consider making it a semi-regular part of your semi-sweet diets. It is high in two nutrients that vegans need to seek out: iron and B6. It also has calcium, manganese, magnesium, and potassium. I use it for soups a lot and that is that secret shit right there. Caramelize some sweet potatoes and ginger. You feeling that shit? Get some water boiling and add that sweet sweet molasses. Now we're starting to make some money, you picking up what I am throwing down? Burr that shit together which some onion, carrot and garlic and you got yourself a meal fit for a Maggot. I can't reveal all my secrets from the P.M.C.C.C.  That's the "Potato Mine Community Culinary College" for those unfamiliar with that establishment. But alas, molasses is essentially the byproduct left over during the creation of processed sugar. You know that bleached asshole sugar I have mentioned in the past? (CLICK HERE to be hyper-linked to that blog post.) So basically all the nutrients that are sucked out of sugar cane plants is left in molasses in a bucket of bitter but balanced beautiful blobby goodness. It's puzzling why that shit is so expensive though. It's kind of like charging someone to take your poop off your hands. So many nutrients and applications!

Shitter was full.
Though I fear to be associated with boring white people, I have been really into listening to Trans-Siberian Orchestra as many people have been I'm sure lately. Bare in mind, probably at least 50 percent of their material is total fucking garbage. I fucking hate when they get all "bluesy" and they consign bloated dead-weight "rock n' roll" vocalists to sing about how Jesus was just one of the good ole boys coming to get the party started up in here. But I love when they stick close to their classical training. Some of the most beautiful guitar work I have ever heard. I have a very special place in my heart for Xmas music believe it or not. First of all, a lot of it is actually dark as shit if you read the history and lyrics in these songs. Some were entirely used to release music under the watchful guise of tyrannical monarchies and religious fascists. They were too naive to read between the lines, and just the minor keys that they worked within are heart wrenching even to the casual music listener. Which is why I am not surprised that some of the very first songs I ever learned on my own were Xmas songs. I would practice "God Rest Ye' Merry Gentlemen" and "Faith Noel" everyday for months and it would be summertime. Perhaps it was because I was born just before Xmas, but despite the capitalist bastardizations and Christian thievery, (Xmas was of course a pagan celebration of the winter solstice,) Xmas will always be a cherished time for me. And I know that TSO is playing Grand Rapids in 2 days but I obviously can't afford to go, nor would I really want to. I'm sure it would be really awesome to see, but as I said before I am confident that half the show would be insufferable.

I want to learn this song today.

This is the scene with Bilbo and the Dragon.
The movie trailer made it seem way more intense.
I want to be an Elf when I grow up. 
Otherwise, I got up WAY later then I normally do today because I was up all night watching the midnight showing of "The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug." I got home and my adrenaline was pumping too hard still so I ended up staying up till 5 a.m. and watched "Good Luck Chuck" to calm my nerves. Have you seen that movie? The premise is dreadful, and why is it always the Goth kid who has to be the antagonist in movies? "The Crow" kind of turned that on it's head I guess. But anyways, the movie last night was awesome. And without spoiling too much, the ending was a huge fucking cliff hanger. The movie did involve a Hobbit though it you were unaware. It also had some wizards in it, like a dozen dwarves and a couple of elves. I hope that didn't ruin the movie for you. But if was really nice hanging out with my old friend Karen who I hadn't hung out with really since the last "Hobbit" movie came out which is really fucking sad. To any old friends I may have who reads this, always know that I think of you often and usually in a fond way. Sometimes a song will play and I will just start crying because I miss someone so intensely. "Into The Fade" by Queens of the Stone Age came on yesterday and I teared up thinking about my old pal Monte. Here I go again. I didn't get enough sleep I am too emotional. God Hates US All, Maggots For Life, Nu Metal Lives.  

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