Thursday, December 11, 2014

Welcome To Cell, Permanent Changes In Consciousness, Planning For Pluvial

I talk about people I hate a lot on here as you all know. Whether it's yuppies, cops or other vegan straight edge fuckheads we have a little bit of everything for everyone on here. But even last night I had a moment where I thought about how great it is that I hate so many people. Because the more people I hate, the more exclusive my circle of friends becomes and the more I love and cherish the moments I have with them. Well, I guess it's becoming more like a triangle of friends...or a better analogy would be an organism's cell of friendship. You have myself as the gloomy pissant nucleus, and then you have the great people who accept me who are the mitochondrion, a few ribosome acquaintances and then everyone has a few of those cumbersome endoplasmic reticulum. Don't get me started on those fuckers. But all in all, though I do worry or ponder about lost friendships that I once had I am probably at my most comfortable social center that  I have ever been in my entire life.
I am really lucky to have great co-workers too. You know what's crazy? I work at a typical capitalist establishment and yet no one at my work ever says the words "bitch" or "fag" ever. You know how great that is? I don't have a single person at my work that I have to be in my head saying, "Great, here comes Fucky McShithammer..." That has a huge impact on going in there everyday. I would probably be insane by now if it were any different. It's really fucked up that people have to go to work everyday and work in a social environment that they despise on top of having to do menial shit that holds them back from making personal progress. As I said if I had both of those things happening simultaneously and having to listen to these fucking mouth breather consumers everyday I would most likely scream "SERENITY NOW!" and run through the woods naked until wild dogs caught up with my and ate me alive. Perhaps that day still has yet to come. C'est la vie.      
Speaking of shitty misogynistic and homophobic language, I have been seeing a lot of posts online lately about feminism and what it means to be feminist. Over the years I have gathered my thoughts on the subject and have attempted to forge my own perspective. I still am learning more and more everyday and trying to keep myself open to new and fascinating facets of this movement. But for starters, I do not consider myself a feminist. Not because I would be ashamed of that sobriquet, but I feel that as a male bodied person there will always be a part of the movement that I could never be accepted into for the simple fact of my biological capacity. I could never fully understand the physical and emotional aspects of being a true feminist and I accept that and I leave my ego out of it the best I can. At best I consider myself to be a feminist ally but even that I am apprehensive to claim. Firstly, I fucking hate men. I think men are truly the manifestations of evil on Earth and if they were all chained to walls and used simply for procreation it would be more than they deserve. I know that is not what the feminist movement is about so I don't really think I am upholding the true ideals of the movement and I could be considered a hindrance. Secondly, for years I have had a lot of respect for powerful woman and I have had immense admiration for the courage of transgender people and their own movement. I felt small compared to them, as a person who had identified since birth as the gender I was assigned I really had no battles to fight. At best I felt as though I could only reach out to other men and try to expose them to the things I had learned over the last few years. But I have recently realized that the more I learned about these movements and the atrocities that  men have committed over the centuries that I was divorcing myself little by little from my previous male identity. I have no interest in what male culture has to offer in this country and what little characteristics of male identity I do still maintain I look at them more with disdain than acceptance. The point I am trying to reach is within myself and the way I perceive myself is more complex than I would have imagined a few short years ago. Though I think it beckons further reflection and I don't think I can put it in a simple category, I suppose I would say that the best explanation I can offer is that I identify as gender neutral. I don't expect anyone to really adjust their pronouns or anything around me, for I do still project primarily "male" idiosyncrasies. And my intention is not to alienate others or to have others pander to my personal perception. But realistically, I don't really give a fuck about other peoples thoughts on me. And though this is a public document it is still mostly a place where I gather my thoughts. My main point of this chunk of my rant is that I feel more comfortable identifying as a feminist ally when I accept the fact that I no longer identify as a man, and that I still feel I could reach out to others from my position of privilege in order to expose them to new knowledge. And that I still think that people who do identify as men but also regard themselves feminist should consider being allies instead. Because realistically, equality will be unobtainable as long as your ego thinks that you are privy to any and all things and you are unable to realize that male privilege is blocking your ability to truly help out. Let the girls have the room, you've had your turn.

Us in the studio.
Now that the soapbox has broken beneath my feet, let's talk about some fun Ruined shit! Yay! Last week I updated you millions of people who read this blog about some recent changes happening in the Ruined camp. Essentially we are holding off on our full length for a bit and we are going to put out some different stuff. Now last week I said we are going to be putting out a demo with two old songs and one new song. As always, I talk way too quickly about shit and I change my mind about 20 minutes later. Our plan is now this. We are going to do a two song demo that may or may not be released publicly. It will primarily be used to send into record labels to get some more attention and hopefully bag us someone willing to put out our full length and future releases. This will be a great stepping stone to the relentless touring we are going to be doing. I have plans to at least personally be on the road once every 3 months if it can be helped financially and mechanically. But we are also going to be doing a split with my good pal Dean over in jolly ole England with his project KNIFEDOUTOFEXISTENCE. It will most likely be two brand new songs, one of which we are putting the final touches on and I have a brand new one I started working on the other night that I think would do nice on that split. To say the least, the Ruined beast is awakening and it's coming to a town near you. Get ready for the rain. Stay gloomy. 

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