Sailing The Seas of Me, Shitty Shitty Bang Bang, This Is A Sad Fucking Song

I just got done working out for the first time in a while. Every time I start working out again it's like I have found the missing piece to my life. I feel way better physically which helps make me feel better emotionally. I also have started eating better and not chronically masturbating. I've said it once and I'll say it again, no one wins with chronic masturbation. You get about 3 to 5 seconds of blissful euphoria, then hours of numbness and a sticky t-shirt. I have been hitting a heavy bag for about 20 minutes and I feel way better beating that thing then Captain Tiny Tickles. I also bought some hand-wraps and I always feel like a fucking badass taking those off. "Yep, just got done shredding Edward Norton's face off, maybe I'll take on Master Shredder next."

Fuck yeah Casey Jones. So fucking coo..,

As you can maybe tell, I am in a much better mood today. I actually slept a reasonable amount and work wasn't too crushing for my spirit. But some people are just never in a good mood. I generally am occupied with thoughts of misanthropy and murder/suicide is my bread and butter. But I think I do a reasonably decent job of not shitting on everyone else's day. 9 times out of 10 if I am in a shitty mood I just avoid people the best I can or just keep to myself. (Which is probably why people never see me outside of work or why I barely talk at work sometimes.) But some people are just fucking shitters. They just shit all over everything all the fucking time. They usually think God is coo too, which is weird since God Hates Us All. I just hate shitters, I hate the happy humpers just as much but shitters are just shitty. Quarantine yourself if you are infected with the shitter virus. Symptoms include: Metamorphosis into a Turd-Goblin, coughing up poop nuggets, and fart sweats. If you see any of these things happening, find the nearest basement, put on the first She and Him record and ignore all other forms of life. You know what would be sweet? If the internet existed, but only 10,000 people lived on the entire planet. All spread out into little pockets thousands of miles apart. And all motorized forms of travel were nonexistent. That way we could still read each other's blogs and other useless shit but we wouldn't have to actually see one another unless we REALLY wanted to. Imagine liking someone enough that you would bike a thousand miles to see them? That would keep shit real genuine. Not like these shitters running around cross breeding making super shitters. Remember the topic is shitters? Okay coo.

Otherwise, I have been feeling a little more creative recently and have been wanting to get back into the world. As far as a music update, Longing is playing a show April 12th (see right flyer.) Not sure what is going to happen after that show. We have some interest in putting something out at least to document what we've done the last 2 years. Pretty much the same story with Tristram. And Procession is up in the air as far as touring goes but we are getting some music done soon. Otherwise, I am going to try jamming with a bud of mine tomorrow. I have no idea where it's going to go musically if anywhere but I know for certain that I am not going to put my chips into anything unless we are going to seriously fuck shit up with no more barriers or excuses. Destroy all face or go the fuck home is my mentality at this point. Also it will probably be a nu metal band. That's basically the only music I give a shit about anymore. Stay Nu. 

"Not That Important" : The Zach Meier Story, We We're Fucking Pricks: Young, Hostile and Sober, Gotta Get Away From Me

Today did not start well. I had to work very early and it was not easy getting up. I have been sick the last few days and certainly could have used the sleep. But I woke up with "FAILURE BY DESIGN" by Brand New stuck in my head. So when I got into work I put on the first 3 Brand New records and that just ended up being a bad idea. I started thinking about everything I wanted to accomplish this year, and I started to feel that I was already failing to reach those goals only 4 months in. I haven't been able to obtain any of the things I need to move ahead with my life. And all I do is work and sleep with brief moments of brevity or solace. What's the fucking point if you can't at least buy happiness? Obviously I don't really believe in sustainable happiness but I don't believe in being totally fucking miserable forever either. I was on Tumblr just a few minutes ago and saw a picture that was an abandoned ship in the Solomon Isles and it gave coordinates to see it in Google Maps. (It's - 9°01′23.17″S 160°07′22.91″E - if you're curious.) I put it in and it blew my fucking mind how far away it was. And then just looking at how big the world is and all the places I have never been. Just makes all the bullshit this town creates seem so fucking meaningless. I don't have wanderlust really, I just have tour-lust. I want to go to all of these places and support myself through music. I'm just tired of making empty promises to myself. Shit or get off the pot.

I was watching videos of an old hardcore band I used to be in a few years back. We were kind of shitty and we never really found our stride but I really did admire the person I was seeing. I was younger and less jaded about the things around me. But most of all at least we had passion and we played quite often, both for shows and at home to get ready for shows. I have been burnt and beaten down by so many people and things that I just don't have the energy anymore to really give a fuck about anything especially myself. It was like watching a stranger play songs that I had pushed out of my memory. I think we all need to feel that we are doing something important even if it means bullshitting ourselves into delusional mindsets. I don't know where I am trying to land with this but I guess I have a lot of feelings today.

I apologize that the last few posts probably haven't been that entertaining to read. I think I need a break from myself. I just want to fucking tour. Someone pick me up. Put the keys in, turn the engine.

Peter Pissy Pants, Back To The Fuckers, Memories From Maggot Mountain

I don't really know what I am going to talk about in this post, I figured I would just sort of get going and see what happens. I am really good at ranting. At the moment I am just freezing in my dungeon listening to Jesu. I have grown to feel really shitty when I am here. It isn't comfortable, it is always cold and I am always aware of others being in my proximity. As always I can never seem to escape from myself or my surroundings. I believe that my life has gradually become a series of responsibilities that I don't want to be a part of and constant anxiety with brief  periods of solace. Well I guess this is growing up. Just 364 days until Mark Hoppus' birthday! My fondest memories will always be doing Blink 182 covers during the summer of 2010 and even the other 1 or 2 Wink 91 shows we did. People used to want to have fun with each other and would laugh and sing with gumdrop smiles. Boy that was dumb am I right? Way cooler to be pissants. Yeah, pissants for life. I love saying pissants. Just really simmers well.



The other day I also decided that I will always be the loser nerd, and everyone else will be a bully in my eyes. I believe that 98% of the population gains pleasure from antagonizing anyone and anything they can get away with doing so. Basically everyone is Biff from "Back To The Future." The plot is similar aside from George McFly jumping from a building at the end. And only after a posthumous examination do they realize that the fall did not kill him; he drowned mid fall choking on his own tears. Everyone is fucking mean. And their is no forgiveness left in anyone. I remember reading about an Amish community in one of my psychology books back in college. You may recall the story of a man breaking into an Amish schoolhouse and murdering 10 or 15 children and then committing suicide. The community did not seek vengeance or pity, they wished to help the wife of the murderer get through her own grief. Psychologically, it is believed that forgiveness is just as crucial, if not more essential for the person doing the forgiving than it is for the person seeking redemption for their misdeeds. Now mind you, I think a lot of this "forgiveness" was based primarily on religious dogma and the fear that an invisible man would burn them with cigarettes, but the message is still clear. I think we all need to learn when to let things go. I have fucked up a lot in the past as we all have, and I am still working on forgiving others and forgiving myself. But it's also important to know that just because you forgive someone doesn't mean all is forgotten. Some people are just not meant to be in our lives. And that is one of the hardest lessons I have had to learn. Some people are poison for us, and there is something inside ourselves that causes harm towards others whether the intention was there or not. So I try to nurture the strong relationships I have, (When not spiraling into a pit of solitude and alienation,) and I try to stomp out the ones that fuck me up in the end.

There has been way too much deep-ass shit on here lately. I think regimental living causes the section of my brain that makes poo-poo jokes shrink. Let me think, something funny...hmm...Oh wait here's something. I will regale you with a tale from my youth. It was 2006, the nation was facing the launch of Twitter and Paul McCartney turned 64 after writing "When I'm Sixty-Four" 48 years earlier. I started dating my first girlfriend ever on my 18th birthday which is December 23rd for anyone who doesn't know. I was so excited and hopeful towards the future. My dog Chance had been having some health problems and we assumed she may have had a stroke. She couldn't walk and could only lay on her side and slowly spin in circles. She had been through similar episodes but was able to recover in the past. I came home after a party I had with some friends, (back when I had those.) She had somehow crawled out of her house and was spinning in the mud and rain. I had to set some things down inside so I said aloud, "I will be right back Chance." I ran upstairs and ran back outside. I kneeled down and put my arms under her in order to lift her up and I realized she was gone. I sat in the rain with her in my arms for a moment, then wrapped her in a blanket and put her back in her house for the last time. That night the rain froze so the ground was too hard to dig. We ended up burying her Christmas morning. Wait, I just realized, this story isn't funny at all. Kind of emotionally scarring actually. One could argue all my intimacy issues are tied directly to this moment. Geez, my bad. 

The Beginning, When I Grow Up I Want To Be, What We All Learn To Need

Today I'd like to start with a little nostalgia, and a little bit of information so all of you can get to know me a little better. For anyone who doesn't know, I have been playing bass since I was a wee lad back in the potato mines of Conklin at the tender age of 12. The first year of playing I kind of just jerked it around and tried to make some sort of sounds come out of it. I was under the arrogant presumption that if I never learned other musician's songs, then no one could ever tell me I was playing my instrument wrong. Because obviously I am such a fucking coo 12 year old who could re-define an instrument. Anywho, around 13 I decided that's pretty fucking stupid and went off into the woods in search of truth and fun. Now over a decade later, I look back at these times and realize how distinctly they defined me. Can you guess what the first 5 bass-lines I learned were? "MUDSHOVEL" by Staind, "THE RED" by Chevelle, "BURNIN' FOR YOU" by Blue Oyster Cult, "WARNING" by Green Day and "GOTTA GET AWAY" by The Offspring. Now the first 2 make perfect sense, my love and loyalty to Nu Metal has always gone unquestioned by the NuMetalacicon: The Tribunal Inquisition of Maggots. And B.O.C. makes perfect sense since I love dark magic and dad rock. Then there is the pop punk. I fucking love pop punk. I don't listen to that many different bands (Green Day, Offsping, NOFX, Bad Religion and of course I will probably die being shot down by security guards for trying to spoon Mark Hoppus of Blink 182.)  But these bands were the foundation for everything that came after, and gave me the skills I needed to take on my future challenges.

Me In 10 years, if my grades are good enough.

Dad Coat Mini

Now I wish I could fully capture the essence of what I am about to describe to you. The next chapter of my expansion into music was sort of a gift really. A message from the Big Electron. I remember I was starting to use a lot more chords and stuff on my bass and hadn't really seen a lot of bass players doing that sort of thing. So I believe it was the summer before my 16th birthday. I had my computer set up in my mom's living room and I was probably playing World Of Warcraft when my brother walked in. This simple encounter would change my life forever. My brother said, "Hey you should check out this band." He got on my computer and started to play a song. It began with light cymbal hits...my curiosity began to grow. It was pulling me in, my usual instinct to shit on anything my brother likes was dimmed for a moment. I wasn't sure what was going to come, when suddenly it burst through the sonic calm. It was a bass, but it was a weird sounding bass. A bass sent down from Maggot Mountain to shake me from my slumber and scream at me "WAKE THE FUCK UP ZACH!!!!!!!! GRAB YOUR FUCKING BASS AND FUCK EVERYTHING UP!!!!!!!! FUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCKKKKKK!!!!!!" The song my brother played for me on that fateful day, was "Too Many Puppies" by Primus. Even as I type this I want to cry. And how many people do you know who cry because they love Primus so much that they want to carve Primus into their throat? This cowboy. From that day forth I was obsessed with bass. I would play bass 9 hours a day and play WoW at the same time. When I wasn't playing bass, I was thinking about playing bass. I only wanted to be the best I could be to acquire some level of perfection I thought was unreachable. I was most likely well on my way to being the next Victor Wooten or some other wiener like that.

The Later Years

I say wiener, because it wasn't until I was 18 that I finally learned what real music is all about. I was under the delusion that being able to play insanely fast or learning every technique possible was what being a musician was all about. But I can honestly say, if I heard someone playing what I used to play back then, I would fucking hate it. The summer of 2007, I met a young sailor named Monte and I had my first mate Josh ready to steer me into a new and fascinating chasm of my musical development. They showed me the song "Ceremony" by New Order. Probably one of the simplest bass-lines I know, yet it is also one of my favorite bass lines I have crammed into my cerebellum. They showed me that true musicianship is a personal battle between ourselves and the collective consciousness of everyone and everything. Lines are meant to be drawn and shattered over and over again. Constantly moving and shifting from liquid to solid to vapor. To vapor to solid to nothingness. My musical heroes have always been the best of me. From the more well known : Les Claypool, Justin Broadrick, Dan Barrett, Kevin Shields, Mogwai, Airs etc. To the people I have shared the misfortune of being burdened with creative endeavor: Monte Davis Jr, Joshua Robinson, Graham Henning, Britty Drake, Mike Assatly, Richard Hackler, Codi, Gabe Nemecek, Jake "Mr. Shit" Murphy, Dean Robinson, Mario Gambardella, Alastair Fyffe and a shitload more. Though I know I will probably die alone and rot in a ditch someday, I feel as though me life has been enriched by my music and the experiences tied in with that. And though I am certainly not the happiest person ever, I feel that music is one path in life that I know I will never regret. Fuck it, do it live. I guess I started and ended this whole thing with it being about me so sorry about that. I have to go to Longing practice. God Hates Us All. 

Well I Wonder, Nailed To The Static-X, New Longing Song

Do you ever wonder about how you were conceived? Does that ever cross your cerebellum? Do you wonder if your parents were listening to music? And if so, do you wonder what song was playing right at the moment of conception? I wonder about this all the time. I just ponder away at this day and night. Realistically my guess would have to be on Scorpions or Judas Priest. But maybe Thin Lizzy, or Pink Floyd would totally be possible. That would explain my addiction to dad rock. If you're wondering why Jeff Tweedy is next to this is because I Googled "dad rock" and this popped up. Sad but true. Dad rock for life. Jeff Tweedy is coo.

Anywho, I have mentioned it before but I have been building an ever growing nu metal playlist at work and I gotta say it is turning into a fucking masterpiece. Slipknot, Deftones, Kittie, Mudvayne, System of a Down, Deadsy and of course Static-X among others. Primarily the record "Roots" by Sepultura has been rocking my fucking shit so hard. I had somehow forgotten how fucking heavy this record is. I worked out to that record yesterday and it got me so fucking pumped that I ended up eating a baby as a sacrifice to Korn the band and Khorne the God of Blood. (Sorry, I know baby isn't vegan. They all break eventually so fuck it.) Anywho, Sepultura fucking rules and that's about all I give a shit about in this post.

In the Longing camp, I wrote a demo for a new song that I am pretty satisfied with. It needs some Monte magic and Codi crashes but overall I think it's solid. You can check out a demo for it HERE. The song itself is about a day dream I had at work. I was alone in the back most of the day doing prep and washing dishes. And for some reason I got caught imagining a horrible situation and how I would react to it. I imagined being on tour, or in some unfamiliar place and by chance witnessing someone trying to rape another person. I thought about this and how it is one of the few situations where I would completely lose any restraint I could possibly have. I would do horrible things to the attacker, things that I would possibly regret later on no matter how justified I felt. But I would just react and everything in me would create a scene from a horror film. Then I snapped out of it and realized I had just been pacing back and forth on auto-pilot. Even as I type this I am anxious and on guard. But anyways, if you still read this far, sorry that link above didn't go to a Longing demo. I have recently learned to keep things like that to myself until they are finished products. But fuck yeah, Sepultura. That's my fucking anthem, "Live your life, leave me alone!"  

GlooM-on-Day, Fuck You Kill Crew, Is Tumblr Coo?

I am already getting excited to practice with Longing on Monday. (And Tristram...) But yeah Longing is so cool! We practiced last Monday and it went really well aside from my bass being a giant pile of shit like it always is. We started working on a newer one titled "Not Worth Having." Lyrically that is one of my favorite songs, because it's really brutal but nerdy at the same time. Just like me. But it looks like Monday's are going to be our days of sorrow. Did you like that title for this section? GlooM-on-Day? Like "Let's get our gloom on! On Monday!" I was also thinking "Gloo-Monday" would have been good. Like that New Order song "Blue Monday." Or that Orgy song "Blue Monday." Those songs sound really similar to me. I want to start a band called Nu Order. I'd get down with the sickness with that band.

I have had a much shorter fuse at work lately. There are some really fucking dumb people. Sometimes I will find myself just staring at the wall and I realize that I hate pretty much everyone and then I want to puke blood. Like bar rats, I fucking hate bar rats. Yuppie bar rats are even worst. What about hipster yuppie bar rats? Huh? Ain't that some shit. Even worst, vegan environmentalists who come in 5 minutes before close. Total tofu annihilation. As a vegan straight edge warrior, I should let you all know that I hate 98 percent of anyone who identifies with either of those things. But I hate 99.4 percent of anyone who eats rum ham so I guess that's coo. Joe Moon is my father and Ryan Brady my mother. Richard Hackler is my smelly uncle and Graham Henning is my brother. Codi is my smelly aunt and Monte Davis Jr. is my God. Praise him.

What else do I want to whine about...hmm...Oh lately this thing has been happening where it hurts to breath. My left ribs, throat, back and arm hurt really badly. Oh I started a TUMBLR if anyone gives a shit. So far it is just really confusing but I am kind of an internet moron.